[Rick Mullin]

Into His Hand
Um Portuguese
A Visit on All Saints Day

[Rick Mullin]

Mistakenly cast my ballot here after reading again--

I do like this poem quite a lot. It's tone and diction and descriptive quality (especially) are top notch.

RM

[Julie Steiner]

Late to the party, as usual, but I wanted to make a theological comment. I understand that the poet wants to underscore that John was both the Evangelist, in whose gospel appears "the Word became flesh," and also the young man who was present with Mary at Jesus' crucifixion; the "cross" is certainly important in this poem about "loss", both God's and the narrator's.

However, having God say "my bride" in reference to Mary disturbed me, not least because I've been reading the Koran for Lent (don't ask) and one of the main Islamic arguments against Jesus being God's son is the ridiculousness of the idea that God would have a consort.

In the Bible and in later Christian literature, the image of the bride is pretty much reserved for describing either the people of Israel, the Christian Church, or the individual soul, using the metaphor of sexual desire to evoke the ideal of a two-way fervency of passion between God and humanity. (Cf. the Song of Solomon, the wedding feast of the Lamb in the book of Revelation, St. John of the Cross' "Dark Night of the Soul", etc., etc. for positive bride images...as well as Jeremiah and Hosea's negative images comparing the faithlessness of God's people to marriage with an unfaithful wife, or even marriage to a harlot.)

I've never seen even REMOTELY sexual metaphors used for Mary, who is pretty consistently portrayed as a non-sexual being--Immaculate, Ever Virgin, Undefiled, Most Chaste, Most Pure, etc. Plus there's the whole Trinity angle--if Jesus is truly God, Mary's role as Mother of God doesn't leave room for her to also be His bride. (Ick.)

So, if the poet wants to avoid distraction there (for me at least--it didn't seem to bother anyone else), I'd suggest using some other word than "my bride" for Mary. For that matter, I wonder if an allusion to the cross without the Word made flesh (or John) would work better in this particular poem, anyway. Just my two cents about a Kruggerand of a poem.

[Alex Pepple]

This sonnet gives a feeling of monotony and stasis which is mostly derived from its insistent metrical regularity, and the fact that all the lines are end-stopped. The octave is quite successful at giving a sense of the land’s difficult condition and the ranchers’ situation.

I find the mention of Kruggerand quite helpful in further placing the setting, which I imagine is somewhere at or close to the Kalahari Desert in South Africa. Although it’s an arid desert, it is not impossibly dry like a typical desert and sustains vegetation and I suppose cultivation in several areas. The degree of aridity increases the further southwest one goes, which probably explains the attention given to West in L1 and L4.

The sextet makes such a leap from the physical to the metaphysical that it almost feels like it belongs elsewhere, as if the sonnet is suddenly possessed and undergoes an out of body experience. In a way, it’s hoping that the reader suspends disbelief and let the transcendental take over. Reconciling the apparent schism between the splitting of the senses and sense, especially for the nonbeliever, may be part of the sonnet’s devise to take it to a higher plane of understanding. My feeling is that it on that level, it succeeds.

Cheers,
…Alex

[Tim Murphy]

No Alex, the situs is before the Front Range of the Rockies, and ranchers distrustful of the Federal Reserve, the IRS, really do use gold coin as a repository for wealth. Time has proved their wisdom. The poem is actually the third section of a fairly major poem called The West.

Julie, I don't see any sexual innuendo in God calling Mary his bride.

[Alex Pepple]

Interesting explanation, Tim. Indeed, my first hunch was that you'd written it, but then dismissed that with the Kruggerand thingy. Kruggerand is so predominantly associated with the South African monetary system that I'm sure I won't be the only reader it will throw off ... except for those with special knowledge about the industry in question. If you don't want that reading, that word may not belong in the poem as some other commenters have hinted.

Cheers,
...Alex

[Tim Murphy]

Actually, Alex, this is not a stand-alone, but the third section of The West, so in context the location is not in doubt. The Kruggerand dominates the gold coin hoardings of the world, little surprise considering South Africa's production and the fact that the coin has been around so much longer than the American Eagle. I have put the reader at a disadvantage by quoting only the poem's conclusion, but I wanted to submit something not workshopped here; and I am gratified that many found kind things to say about it.

[Bruce McBirney]

Tim, I was interested to hear this is the conclusion of a longer poem. The last five words as posted had thrown me a little, since they refer to this being a moment of deep personal crisis for the narrator (even beyond the drought and economic hardships described), which I hadn't caught from the prior lines.

Is it possible now to post the first two sections along with this third one, to give the context of the ending, or is that a problem for future publication plans?

Best wishes.