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  #41  
Old 08-09-2018, 09:37 PM
A. Sterling A. Sterling is offline
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Hi again, Aaron,

Now you’ve got me thinking more about hexameter lines and their distinctive characteristics—all of it quite off-topic, however.

(Also, I’m Ms. Sterling - probably should have mentioned that sooner, but I didn’t want to drag your last thread up on that account alone.)
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  #42  
Old 08-09-2018, 10:02 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Please to meet you, Ms. Sterling. Thank you for sticking with me on this poem.
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  #43  
Old 08-09-2018, 10:08 PM
Bill Carpenter Bill Carpenter is offline
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John, you must get hold of Aaron's Mr. EITHER/OR, a book length narrative poem in which he drives his alliterative hot rod many miles around the track.
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  #44  
Old 08-09-2018, 11:10 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Bill, you make a good point (again). I have (and enjoyed) Manhattanite, and am looking forward to American Divine. But I don't have Mr. Either/Or yet. I think I'll pick it up.

Cheers,
John
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  #45  
Old 08-10-2018, 03:18 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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John, I have a feeling you also will have a book out before too long.
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  #46  
Old 08-10-2018, 04:08 PM
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Aaron Novick Aaron Novick is online now
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Aaron, you have "whooping" twice, in S1 and S3. I don't think the repetition works. If I squint, I can see a parallel between the tweaker and the cops (the cops have stopped whooping; the tweaker should, too), but it's not especially interesting. I'd find something else for S3.
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  #47  
Old 08-10-2018, 04:43 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Thank you, Aaron. I do intend the repetition. I don't intend the repetition to be "interesting" but to bring Trey's state of mind back into focus for the lullaby.

Thank you,

Aaron
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  #48  
Old 08-10-2018, 04:47 PM
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Aaron Novick Aaron Novick is online now
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I didn't get that at all when reading the poem, and that even now that you've explained it I still don't see how it serves that function.

All I meant by "interesting" was "serves a useful poetic function".
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  #49  
Old 08-10-2018, 05:22 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Hi Aaron,

Thank you for the good word!

Cheers,
John
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