[Lance Levens]

I'm afraid the overall choice of words and phrases is bland. Also,
the poet is working the high wire in the old age-wisdom zone where
original or even originally phrased thoughts are more scarce than Tea Party democrats.

[John Beaton]

The theme of ageing isn’t gripping but, again, I find the development quite good.

I interpret the newly caged canaries as applying to the couple in middle age. They have come to a point where they first begin to feel the onset of age, like a new cage, but they do not yet feel trapped or threatened by it. However, it invites some “rhyme-driven” suspicion.

S2 works for me. The joke is the joke in S1, and I am fine with L8. It suggests that, even at their golden anniversary, they felt mentally young.

I’m also OK with “keep her in their game”. To keep someone in the game is to interact with them in such a way that they don’t drop out. I think it’s a perfect description of the efforts of a person to eke out the remnants of sensibility in a loved Alzheimer’s patient.

I read the last sentence as suggesting that Alzheimer’s robbed the couple of the chance to experience their decline towards death with the normal companionship of a loving couple. I find it touching.

I like the balloon image and the closing lines.

I’m not so keen on the metrical bump in L5 and the mixing of time’s joke with the canary metaphor, which produces the clash at “amused”.

John

[Gail White]

One always learns something from the comments in a bakeoff and this time I was surprised by the number of folks who seemed to miss my point, which I thought I had made crystal clear. It was basically the point made by the old Chinese proverb, "When love is true, white hair is still black." Fortunately, Catherine understood it perfectly... I'll be working on my problems for the future... meanwhile, thanks to all who commented & voted. I was certainly proud to be included in such company.

[Roger Slater]

I don't see any indication that anyone here missed that point, Gail, which indeed is crystal clear. The naysayers found the clear thought a bit too familiar and bland, and its earlier embodiment in an ancient saying would seem to support that.

I personally wish old age could be praised, when it is, for its own virtues rather than for its supposed resemblance to youth.

[Adam Elgar]

I have some problems with this one, notably an uncertain feeling about the last line, which others have mentioned. Is it sentimental? Is it untrue? Maybe the fact that we keep thinking about it, is a sign of strength, showing that there's room for more than one view.

I also worry about the first quatrain having the same rhyming vowel.

There's much that's touching here, though it sometimes gets perilously close to cloying. A classically difficult subject, though.