[Richard G]

.

The Package


............"Good morning," said the package as Carmen opened her front door.
"Do you accept delivery?"

............"What?" Carmen looked down at a drone rig in the familiar black and
orange livery of Atacama, and its cargo, a mid-sized parcel in the same colours.
"I haven't ordered anything." (This week, she qualified silently.)

............"Voice print and facial recognition accepted. Identity confirmed.
Carmen Resto, do you accept delivery?"

............"But, I haven't ordered anything."

............"That is correct, Ms. Resto, however, as an Atacama Singular Subscriber™
you have been automatically enrolled in the company's trial program of Predictive
Purchasing – Yours, before you know it!™ – and this is your first order. Do you
accept delivery?"

............"What is it?"

............"That information is not available to this unit at this time. Do you accept
delivery?"

............"But how can I accept something when I don't know what it is?"

............"Do you wish to report a problem with the Predictive Purchasing Program?
Please answer yes or no."

............"I guess so. Yes."

............"An error notification form has been sent to your devices. Please complete
this within twenty-four hours. Your feedback is important to us. Do you accept
delivery?"

............"But what is it?"

............"Delivery," the package recited, "may be achieved by verbal acknowledgement
of the consumer, or the consumer's representative, by agreement that the package
may enter the dwelling or through physical interaction with the package by the
consumer or their representative, by –"

............Carmen lowered the foot with which she had been about to kick the drone
and its contents from the step. "No, that's not what I ... Never mind. I decline
delivery," she replied, slowly and clearly.

............The drone's engines restarted – Quiet as a Wasp™ (a part of Atacama's enviro-
commitments) – and it rose to eye level. "Scans reveal you do not have a hall mirror.
Links to Atacama's most popular hall mirrors have been sent to all your devices,
as well as three additional links to products from independent suppliers, as per local
ordinances."

............"Dee. Liv. Err. Ree. Dee. Cline. D."

............The drone sank slowly back to the step, cut its rotors and began to play a
jaunty tune over its speakers.

............"What are you doing?"

............"Automatic reflection period in effect," the package said, even as the muzak
continued. "The consumer is allowed ten minutes in which she may reconsider her
decision."

............Conceding that she was going to be late for work as leaving now might result
in an accidental purchase, Carmen took a step back and closed the door, firmly. When
she looked out of the window, one explanatory phone call and half a cup of coffee later,
the package was just taking off.

............"See you tomorrow!" it cried.



.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Richard—

This little episode resonates with me. After purchasing one Christmas gift online from Nordstrom’s, I find myself inundated with multiple daily spam notices informing me of every markdown and sale item available from that store. It is truly creepy how much information about my interests and preferences is out there in Cyberville.

My only question is whether “cried” is the best choice for your last word. How about something more snarky, or threatening?

Glenn

[Jim Ramsey]

aaaaa"Good morning," said the package as Carmen opened her front door.
"Do you accept delivery?"

aaaaa"What?" Carmen looked down at a drone rig in the familiar black and
orange livery of Atacama, and its cargo, a mid-sized parcel in the same colours.
"I haven't ordered anything." (This week, she qualified silently.)

aaaaa"Voice print and facial recognition accepted. Identity confirmed.
Carmen Resto, do you accept delivery?"

aaaaa"But, I haven't ordered anything."

aaaaa"That is correct, Ms. Resto, however, as an Atacama Singular Subscriber™
you have been automatically enrolled in the company's trial program of Predictive
Purchasing – Yours, before you know it!™ – and this is your first order. Do you
accept delivery?"

aaaaa"What is it?"

aaaaa"That information is not available to this unit at this time. Do you accept
delivery?"

aaaaa"But how can I accept something when I don't know what it is?"

aaaaa"Do you wish to report a problem with the Predictive Purchasing Program?
Please answer yes or no."

aaaaa"I guess so. Yes."

aaaaa"An error notification form has been sent to your devices. Please complete
this within twenty-four hours. Your feedback is important to us. Do you accept delivery?"

aaaaa"But what is it?"

aaaaa"Delivery," the package recited. "May be achieved by verbal acknowledgement
of the consumer, or the consumer's representative, by agreement that the package
may enter the dwelling or through physically interaction with the package by the consumer
or their representative, by –"

aaaaaCarmen lowered the foot with which she had been about to kick the drone and its contents
from the step. "No, that's not what I ... Never mind. I decline delivery." She replied,
slowly and clearly.

aaaaaThe drones engines restarted – Quiet as a Wasp™ (a part of Atacama's enviro-commitments) –
and it rose to eye level. "Scans reveal you do not have a hall mirror. Links to Atacama's most popular
hall mirrors have been sent to all your devices, as well as three additional links to products from
independent suppliers, as per local ordinances."

aaaaa"Dee. Liv. Err. Ree. Dee. Cline. D."

aaaaaThe drone sank slowly back to the step, cut its rotors and began to play a jaunty tune
over its speakers.

aaaaa"What are you doing?"

aaaaa"Automatic reflection period in effect." The package said, even as the muzak continued.
"The consumer is allowed ten minutes in which she may reconsider her decision."

aaaaaConceding that she was going to be late for work as leaving now might result in an
accidental purchase, Carmen took a step back and closed the door, firmly. When she looked out
of the window, one explanatory phone call and half a cup of coffee later, the package was just taking off.

aaaaa"See you tomorrow!" It cried.

[Jayne Osborn]

Oo-er, Richard, this is lovely and creepy; I use the oxymoron deliberately, as it's a menacing prospect that you've conjured up here, but I really enjoyed reading it.
It could have been written by Stephen King!

I like Jim's setting out of it, with the indentation between each of the speakers. It's easier on the eye.

I think "...through physically interaction" ought to be "through physical interaction", and I was going to point out that "mid sized" is a compound adjective, but I see that Jim has already inserted a hyphen: mid-sized.

This belongs in a collection of short stories, so I would imagine you'll have no problem in finding a publisher. I do hope so. I think it's quite brilliant!

Jayne

[Richard G]

Hi Glenn.

My only question is whether “cried” is the best choice for your last word. How about something more snarky, or threatening?
I thought 'see you tomorrow' was all the menace the cheery little bot needed.

Hi Jim.

Thanks for the re-formatting and corrections. Gratefully accepted.


Hi Jayne.

I think it's quite brilliant!
Oo-er indeed.

Thanks for spotting the typo, corrected.


Thanks all.

RG.

[Jayne Osborn]

Hi Richard,

Having adopted Jim's suggested layout is good, but you've omitted the opening inverted commas in the first two speeches.

Also, reading it again, I noticed that "Delivery," the package recited. "May be achieved... ought to be:

"Delivery," the package recited, "may be achieved..."

and, similarly: "...I decline delivery," she replied, slowly and clearly.

"Automatic reflection period in effect," the package said...

and "See you tomorrow!" it cried. (If tomorrow had a comma after it, it would be "it cried", as I suggested, but it's the same for an exclamation mark. Otherwise "It cried." implies the drone started crying.)

An apostrophe is needed in "The drone's engines restarted"

I've just read it to my husband, who also thinks it's brilliant, so we both say, "Bravo!"

Jayne

[Richard G]

Hi Jayne.

but you've omitted the opening inverted commas in the first two speeches.
Not so much omitted as rendered identical to the background. D'oh! Fixed, along with everything else you highlighted. Thank you very much. And thanks to Mr. Jayne.

RG,

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Richard,

I'll have you know that my first comment was the most painstaking I've ever made here without a single nit, bit of praise or bombast involved. I'm glad you liked it. I hope it goes without saying that my interest meant I liked this from the first. I do have a couple of things to add to Jayne's nits. One, I would fix the em dashes. Two, what about “DEE…liv…errh…ree... DEE…cline…’d.” or some other way of saying it. I read "err" as in "to err is human..." and the "D" used for the clipped "duh" ending of declined seems off.

Jim

[Richard G]

Hi Jim.

I'll have you know that my first comment was the most painstaking I've ever made here without a single nit, bit of praise or bombast involved.
I've marked it on my calendar. Are you sufficiently recovered from your heroics?
I'm glad you liked it.
I did.
I hope it goes without saying that my interest meant I liked this from the first.
It did and it does.
Two, what about “DEE…liv…errh…ree... DEE…cline…’d.” or some other way of saying it.
I'm not averse, but aren't caps shouting now, rather than emphasis?
I read "err" as in "to err is human..."
I did worry about that, contemplated a third r and then wimped out.
and the "D" used for the clipped "duh" ending of declined seems off.
Perhaps a Brit/American thing? You (as an American) would incline to 'd?

Incidentally, did you have a problem with it being referred to as both a package and a drone?

Thanks again.

RG.

[Jayne Osborn]

Originally Posted by Richard G

Hi Jayne.
....... Thank you very much. And thanks to Mr. Jayne.
RG,

Haha. "Mr. Jayne" is delighted to be mentioned. (He might not be so delighted if I tell everyone, ...and it sticks! )
Funnily enough, I may have mentioned this before, but my brother's name is Owen (our mother was Welsh) and all his schoolfriends thought it was our family's surname. Our parents were always called Mr and Mrs Owen.

I'm glad my punctuation was helpful, and I'm also glad Jim mentioned the
"Dee. Liv. Err. Ree. Dee. Cline. D." bit. I think there could be some other way of saying it, too. It's not the capitals... its only thought of as shouting IF IT'S ALL in capitals, Richard.

Jayne