Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Unread 07-16-2019, 12:10 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 4,952
Default

Hi Allen,

Sure, it seems to me a heart is likelier to shudder than to stagger, as you make your choices here in English. I do like precise and nice vocabulary! And of course I can't speak to the Greek.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Unread 07-16-2019, 08:08 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,342
Default

Allen,

I am much happier with this translation now. I think you are as well. Is it done? Is it done?
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Unread 07-16-2019, 11:51 AM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 4,525
Default

Πωτζ (ιφ Ι μη), και Δζαννις,... thank you both for your recent suggestions and especially thanks to Κυριε Πωτζιγκιαν for his deep Homeric context reading of several critical Greek words.

Ις ιτ δονε ; ις ιτ δονε ; Οχι ορ Ναι ; Υες -- Foρ νοω ατ λεαςτ, Ι ρεcκον, or very nearly -- what do people think ?

I'd like to mention that the hyphenation in the middle of a word at the end of the third line in the Greek original indicates that there wasn't any oral hesitation at those points, and that line three in each case just went smoothly into line four (the Adoneus or Adonic) as one long singing line. It seems that our usual shape for this Sapphic stanza is an artifact of the way the song had to be written out.

I apologize for my childish alphabetic play at the beginning of this post.

Last edited by Allen Tice; 07-16-2019 at 11:54 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Unread 07-16-2019, 12:32 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 4,952
Default

Glad to be of help, Allen. Nice work.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Unread 07-16-2019, 01:01 PM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 4,525
Default

Alas (?), I've reverted in the last stanza to my first choices. That wording looks forward to a more private encounter with the excellent man, and puts the audience right there in the scene a little before that I think.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Unread 07-18-2019, 06:41 PM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 4,525
Default

O ladies and gentlemen, I would like to consider swapping out “penniless” for “destitute” or some other metrically equivalent word or short phrase which has a similar meaning (it is actually present in the remainder of the Pseudo-Longinus text fragment). But I’m not ready to fracture the top post yet. Dunno why. Anyway, what does the Duke of Fresno, d/b/a Aaron Poochigian, or any other of you poetry feinschmeckers (connoisseurs), girls or boys think? I found a $100 bill last week, so it won’t implicate me.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Unread 07-19-2019, 03:43 PM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 4,525
Default

Slight change to obsolete title so it conforms to present poem content. Silly me. Down periscope. Make depth sixty-five. Forward two-thirds.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,021
Total Threads: 19,978
Total Posts: 255,537
There are 247 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online