Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 07-04-2019, 04:08 AM
Ann Drysdale's Avatar
Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old South Wales (UK)
Posts: 4,796
Default Décima

Hell-o-o!

Horsetrader god – are you still there?
What I just did was hard but good,
so please do what you said you would
if I allowed myself to care.
Are you around, and if so, where?
I haven’t time to look for you
in all the shit I’m going through.
The moral high ground hurts like hell
so don’t you bugger off as well,
come and do what you said you’d do.
.
..

Line 1. "Horsetrader" was "Horse-trader".
.

Last edited by Ann Drysdale; 07-08-2019 at 04:59 AM. Reason: juggling comma, full stop, capital...
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Unread 07-04-2019, 04:59 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 4,696
Default

Good morning Annie,

Pithy and relentless.
I would think this is a conversation that's been had, one-sided as it is, many times over the course of the millennia, and likely with the same outcome. Not often this well expressed, though.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Unread 07-04-2019, 05:15 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Kilkenny, Kilkenny, Ireland
Posts: 4,919
Default

I like the moral high ground hurting like hell and the form is well executed- is the decima/decima pun intended?
It probably is, so nice one

Last edited by Jim Hayes; 07-04-2019 at 05:19 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Unread 07-04-2019, 05:45 AM
Ann Drysdale's Avatar
Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old South Wales (UK)
Posts: 4,796
Default

Decima pun? I can't see it, Jim, let alone own up to it.

The Décima is the form (and the spirit of that form) that I have tried to be true to here.

Tell me what you see that I don't. I am agog.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 07-04-2019, 06:02 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Kilkenny, Kilkenny, Ireland
Posts: 4,919
Default

In Roman mythology Decima (albeit without the stressed e) was one of the Fates,
I guess I was reading an inference that wasn’t there.
My apologies

Jim

In matter of fact just checking it, she was the Goddess of Fate

Last edited by Jim Hayes; 07-04-2019 at 06:09 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 07-04-2019, 06:43 AM
Andrew Mandelbaum's Avatar
Andrew Mandelbaum Andrew Mandelbaum is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Portland Maine
Posts: 3,142
Default

A good one, Ann.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Unread 07-04-2019, 06:59 AM
Ann Drysdale's Avatar
Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old South Wales (UK)
Posts: 4,796
Default

Thanks, Andrew.

Don't apologise, Jim. If I hadn't already expressed my ignorance, I'd have probably sworn I did it on purpose. I've actually written many a time of her Greek equivalent and have overlooked her entirely.

And John, thank you for underlining the universality of the sentiment. I hope I here give a voice to the similarly embuggered.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 07-04-2019, 07:08 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 4,696
Default

Hi Annie,

I’d probably go with Decima as the title, given the pun that Jim observed. Plus, I’m glad to discover the word embuggered.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Unread 07-04-2019, 07:40 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
Distinguished Guest
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,293
Default

Ann, I love this.

the last line isn't landing like I feel it should.

Maybe

come and do what you promised to.

for

come and do what you said you’d do.

?

Last edited by Aaron Poochigian; 07-04-2019 at 07:51 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Unread 07-04-2019, 07:51 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Kilkenny, Kilkenny, Ireland
Posts: 4,919
Default

Intended or not it’s a nice allusion Ann and obviously Fated
Jim
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 7,999
Total Threads: 19,781
Total Posts: 253,057
There are 231 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online