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Unread 02-12-2018, 11:55 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,352
Default Valentines, pro and con?

Anti-Valentine Cards

My all too picky bride
My love won’t be denied.
Myself that you hold dear
I worship in my mirror.

You once called me a mannequin
As if my poses were a sin.
I think you are an elite snob
Since daily posing is my job!

You are a witch, it’s true,
Who boils me in your brew.
I’ve one last word for you
I’m perhaps, maybe, leaving you.

Don’t worry, dear, what’s up above:
I suffer unrequitable self-love.

Last edited by RCL; 02-13-2018 at 03:28 PM.
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Unread 02-13-2018, 01:05 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 4,280

Valentine’s Day Poem


I ask myself: would you incline
to be my willing Valentine?
Perhaps I should be asking you,
it seems the proper thing to do.
But you’re already spoken for!
Life’s played this trick on folks galore.


I may be spoken for, but this
goes for you too! Since wedded bliss
unites us each day of the year,
I’d have to say the way is clear
for you to give that card to me.
And on it, put your minstrelsy.

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Unread 02-13-2018, 12:19 PM
Adrian Fry Adrian Fry is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wiltshire, UK
Posts: 946

I wanted to be wholly loved
By you and you alone
And now I am, I wholly want
Just to be let alone.
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Unread 02-13-2018, 12:46 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 14,403

First turn water
into wine
and then improve
a Shakespeare line
and make the sun
at midnight shine
and bring me back
a kosher swine,
and I shall be
your valentine.
I will decline).
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Unread 02-13-2018, 01:19 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,352

Nice ones so far!

Cupid’s strikes are random treasure,
lasting gifts of painful pleasure.
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Unread 02-13-2018, 10:09 PM
Patrick Murtha Patrick Murtha is offline
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Kansas
Posts: 217

A Valentine Wish

Let not your whippersnapper's dart
Sting me in yonder hinder part,
And yet, if you should prick but me,
I pray the gal I see is she
Whom through the barnyard I have spied,
Whose hair is brown like Bessie's hide,
And like the pond, her eyes are blue,
Whose lips are red and moist like dew,
Who tosses bales outta the barn,
Who spins a tale as well as yarn,
Out-burps the boys, but blushes too,
Who belted me a time or two,
And yet her hands are soft as down,
And skin is slightly sun-baked brown--
For her I'll happ'ly bear the dart
Perchance you poke my hinder part.
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Unread 02-22-2018, 10:59 AM
Kevin Greene Kevin Greene is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 725

My Dirty Valentine

Darling, O dearest, delight of my heart,
my apologies for this so tardy card,
but life is pressured whilst we are apart.
My roving eye competes against my bard
and mere utterance results, such as "More!
My God!" or "Fast! Yes!" O my dearest duck.
And what lyric could I sing from the floor?
And what rhyme might I find for a girl named Puck?
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Unread 02-22-2018, 11:54 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 3,156

They flee from me (Valentine’s night special)

Well, perhaps it is unwise to,
but I’m planning to surprise you,
because today’s a very special day.

Now I’m pacing in the dark
while I’m waiting in the park;
I know you like to walk from work this way.

And it’s true I do feel nervous,
still, there’s no one to observe us,
and I’ve cleaned my teeth and shaved and had a bath.

And I’m sure it will go fine;
I just need my opening line.
No time to waste: you’re walking down the path.

Now I don’t want to blow it
So I pick my favourite poet:
Sir Thomas Wyatt. Now I cannot miss!

Well it’s too late to change tack,
so I open up my mac,
and speak the words: ‘dear heart, how like you this?’

Apparently Americans aren't familiar with the word "mac". It's a Mackintosh -- a full-length raincoat.
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Unread 02-06-2019, 07:04 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,352

Here's a bump up of last year's offerings for the sacred day of Valentine, especially to note the last two by Matt Q.

Any new contributions?
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Unread 04-26-2019, 04:27 PM
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Gail White Gail White is offline
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Breaux Bridge, LA, USA
Posts: 3,334

What, no women entered this? I'll try to think of something.

Okay, here’s one.


My brain is like a piece of cheese
that quivers with a million mites.
My brain is like a fast ballet
where all the dancers split their tights.
My brain is like a Ferris wheel
whose rusted gears have ceased to work.
My brain is bleaker than all these
because my love is such a jerk.

My brain is like a wildebeest
that hears a lurking lion roar.
My brain is like a movie crowd
stampeding for the exit door.
My brain is on a shopping spree,
the birthday of my life has come!
Because my love is such a jerk
and finally I’ve dumped the bum.

Last edited by Gail White; 04-30-2019 at 08:49 PM.
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