[Orwn Acra]

Thank you, John. Is the Bertie-Glossop confection your invention or Wodehouse's? The Nietzsche bit makes the affair decidedly unsexy and thus funny. Has there ever been a seductive philosopher? I've heard that Anscombe had big breasts, though she wasn't exactly attractive.

[Jerome Betts]

Well, AJ. Ayer and Bertrand Russell had their seductive, or seducing, moments on more than one occasion, one reads, but I don't know about the American contingent.

[John Whitworth]

Honoria was trying to improve Bertie's mind. She certainly ordered Bertie to read him, but Jeeves advised against it, saying that Nietzsche was fundamentally unsound. To revert to another thread I'll bet Hypatia was sexy. And that woman did say she would marry Hume if he would just lose some weight, so he must have had something about him.

[FOsen]

The morning after his metamorphosis, Gregor Samsa awoke from a troubling dream to find that the servant girl had been transformed during the night into a young adult nymph, inextricably joined to his segmented tarsis by her finely punctate, intertriangulated, ventral abdominal plate. He had awoken with a start, for his disturbing dreams of the night before had featured this same girl, who had pursued him relentlessly from room to room, first with a large feather duster and then clad only in an oversize pair of Manolo Blahnik blue satin pumps. Now, he could not help but notice, the blanket barely covered her elongate pronotum and the distal portion of her hind femora. Outside the door, he could hear the muffled voices of his parents. “His condition’s lasted for over eight hours – you know what they say in the Viagra commercials – I think we’d better call a doctor.”

[John Whitworth]

Frank, I am SURE nobody else will have attempted Kafka. I would chance a little bet on you. Well done, sir.

[basil ransome-davies]

Yes, brilliant. I've been racking my brains for someone who hasn't already had the treatment but qualifies. Inevitably, your thoughts turn to kid's lit, Victorian stuff & asexual boy-men like PGW, & you tend to overlook high modernists. But there he is – Kafka, perfect. And done with such wit & assurance... I'm pissing myself.

[FOsen]

Thanks, John and Bazza - I like your Holmes and Watson, John. Bazza, I was just browsing my bookshelf and, as you said, there he was.

[Editing in to say - I hope I don't get busted by any entomologists]

Frank

[George Simmers]

I think the modernists offer plenty of scope. For example:
"Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the condoms herself..."

[Allen Tice]

Hemingway: "Our moustaches are so good together. Look, mine moved, and then yours moved."

Gertrude: "I feed you all my cookies and nacreous buttons. Pigeon strut toward the sun arose! And it more arose! And it be rosing higher! Oh Alice, what's Oakland to that importunity of Ernest ?"

[Roger Slater]

"For the last time, your worship, Dulcinea is a figment of your imagination.”

Don Quixote smiled indulgently at his naive young squire. "I do not know what evil spirits have enchanted your senses," Don Quixote lamented, throwing open the door to their room at the inn and gesturing toward the bed. "But look at yon shapely 'figment of my imagination' who lies naked across the sheets, ready to be ravished by history's most brave and daring knight."

Sancho Panza approached the empty bed and patted the blankets, then sat on its edge and looked pleadingly at Don Quixote. "You see?" he said. "Nothing!"

Don Quixote sank to one knee before Sancho and exclaimed, "Ah, Dulcinea, I have performed deeds of greatness unprecedented in the annals of chivalry. You patience shall now be rewarded."

Turning to the coat rack behind him, he commanded, "Sancho, help me off with my armor."