[Philip Smith]

OK

First the unthinkable. Tinkering with Robert Frost.

The Way Not Gone

(Winner of the 2007 Les Patterson Prize for Aussie Rewrites)

(To the tune and aesthetics of the Sheila's Wheels advert...)

I was in a yella wood
When the path on which I stood
Did a split and went to different destinations
To go left or to go right?
I was in a sorry plight
So I had to make a XXXX calculation

Now since both ways looked the same
It was such a bloody shame
'Cos I couldn't say that one had more attraction
So I tossed a bloody dollar
To work out which one to follar
It came queens up, I went left with satisfaction

Well I wasn't coming back
To try out the other track
So I guess I get a little sentimental
If I'd gone the other route
Maybe I'd have made some loot
As it is the choice I made was detrimental


Anyone fancy taking up the challenge with another universally(?) acclaimed poet/poem?

Edited - Never let it be said I don't respond to crit. Bonzer had to go to be replaced by XXXX - you can read this as "Four X" (a kind of beer I'm led to believe) or "f*****g" and it scans either way.

Cheers



[This message has been edited by Philip Smith (edited February 16, 2008).]

[Henrietta kelly]

Hell! you got that oneto rights, I could almost feel the spittle hit me in my cleavage as les rose to the eighth ball so to speak--


one behind the eight ball? My guess is something to do with Liz Taylor getting married

[Philip Smith]

Henrietta

You are my kind of gal

My friend from western Oz says "one behind the eight ball" means crazy but I can't figure out the derivation.

And you know - back here in the "old country" that kind of stuff really worries us!

Any time you're passing my local pub there's one in the pipe waiting for you.

That's culcha

P

[Philip Smith]

Words worth forgetting

I, Billy-no-mates, cirrus-like
(You know those clouds they call "mares' tails")
Was floating out of "Spud-u-like"
(Of my repast I spare details)
I seen some flowers at a stall
I bunged him ten bob - took 'em all

And there was loads - so home I went
To give them to my "her indoors"
To make up for the argument
We'd had about the kitchen floor
(I wanted laminate you see -
she wanted carpet, Burgundy)

Well, anyway, they cheered her up
Me too an' all I have to say
She brought me biscuits and a cup
Of tea to take the taste away
Of spud and margarine and sauce
That I'd digested previous

So, any rate, it goes to show
That every cloud is silver lined
And ten bob's worth of daffs can go
A long way in the female mind
To help a geezer get 'is way
We laid the laminate next day

[Mark Allinson]

Good stuff, Philip.

I take it that you are not an Ozzie, and "a bonzer calculation" gives that away from the start.

Something like a "spot-on calculation" might work, but "bonza/bonzer" is reserved to describe something already accomplished and appreciated.

Also, your question about "one behind the eight ball" gives you away also, since the phrase relates to the game of billiards and originates in the. U.S .

It might well be a phrase now used by Ozzies, but as Aunty's bemusement indicates, it's not an Ockerism.

Enjoyed the poems - they were bonza!

[Anne Bryant-Hamon]

Never mind - it was an OTT joking comment.

Sigh...



[This message has been edited by Anne Bryant-Hamon (edited February 15, 2008).]

[Philip Smith]

Mark

Thanks

You're right and "bonzer" wasn't my first thought it was "rapid" but I allowed myself to be seduced by, as I say, the tacky aesthetic of that awful advertisement

"for bonzer car insurance deals etc"

Fatuous to post revisions here though I would think!

[Martin Elster]

TRAPPED

Whose house I’m in? Well, it’s my friend’s,
Who’s now at work where a pick tends
To patients’ teeth. She will not see
Me sitting here with pad and pens.

I can’t get out the door (poor me)
Because I do not have a key,
And cannot leave with the door open.
I feel like a skiff adrift at sea.

I just was in the shower soapin’
Myself, but now I sit here hopin’
That soon my friend will come back here—
For all I’m doing now is mopin’.

Her house is lovely, full of cheer.
But I have to go out for beer,
And hours to go before she’s near,
And hours to go before she’s near.

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

A subtle distinction, but 'behind the eight ball' cames from pool - the game eight ball - referring to a ball on the other side of the eight ball puts the shooter in a precarious position: if he tries for the shot, he may accidently sink the eight ball prematurely and lose the game.

A tight spot.

[Roger Slater]

We once had a literary limerick thread like this, translating famous poems into limericks. In keeping with the Frost theme, here are my Frost limericks:


Death of a Hired Man

“Silas is home,” Mary said.
“Warren, be nice! He's in bed.”
“I’'ll go and I’ll check ’nd
be back in a second,”
said Warren. But Silas was dead.




The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in the wood.
Confused, for a moment I stood
and muttered an oath.
I could not take both,
but damn how I wished that I could!


Reluctance

To man it has always been treason,
confronting the end of a season,
to feel no regret.
But that’s what we get
for not being slaves to our reason.


Stopping by the Woods

Whose woods are these, I think I know.
I'd like to lie down in the snow
and perish right here,
but my horse thinks it queer.
And he's right. I've got miles to go.

Out! Out!

The saw cut the boy and he bled.
“Please save my hand!” the boy said.
The boy, alas, died,
and everyone cried,
but briefly, since they were not dead.


Birches

I bend the tree down, gaining purchase,
then ride the tree up when it lurches,
then back in reverse.
A boy could do worse
than being a swinger of birches.