[Roger Slater]

The "newly discovered Lear poems" thread reminded me of a contest the Washington Post once ran asking for limericks that start with two lines of a Lear limerick. I think the premise is that Lear started his limericks well but didn't finish them well, throwing away his L5 to basically repeat L1. Here are a few that I wrote for that contest. They're sort of fun to write, so I thought maybe some of you would like to give it a whirl.


There was an Old Person of Chili
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
For dinner she’d dine
On a baked porcupine,
Though it left her esophagus quilly.

*

There was a Young Lady whose nose
Was so long that it reached to her toes;
When Pinnochio walked by,
He said, "What's the lie
I must tell if I want one of those?"

*

There was a Young Girl of Majorca
Whose aunt was a very fast walker;
But the girl would insist
They instead dance the twist,
For the girl was a very fast torquer.

*

There was an Old Person of Cadiz
Who was always polite to the ladies,
And although he was old,
His conquests, all told,
Numerically topped Warren Beatty’s.

*

There was an Old Person of Rheims,
Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
But his wife said, "I'm glad!
I’m aware that sounds bad,
But his snores are far worse than his screams."

*

There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat on a doorway;
When three men mistook her
For a common street hooker,
They asked, “What’s the price of a four-way?”

***

And for many other examples by others, here are the limericks/learicks that the Washington Post chose to publish. (Some of you may be stopped by the paywall).