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  #11  
Old 09-22-2018, 05:57 AM
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Michael Ferris Michael Ferris is offline
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Mmmm, well itís different, as I expect from you (is that an oxymoron?) Itís clever and gay and fun. I took the tilde part to be some sort of suggestion of kink or fetish, though maybe thatís just my dirty mind. I get a bit lost in the following section with all the cap Ms and wonder if you could cut it. The last bit in parens I took like ďIíll text you.Ē

I could see Poetry publishing it, and I donít mean that to drag it.

It would be something to see in performanceÖ
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  #12  
Old 09-22-2018, 07:56 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Michael: "It would be something to see in performance…"

I agree! The whole alphabet. A 26 minute play in 26 acts. The set changes would be challenging...
x
x
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  #13  
Old 09-22-2018, 08:44 AM
David Callin David Callin is online now
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Hmm.

To me it reads like a transcript of somebody playing The Sims. For which there may be a market. Who knows?
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  #14  
Old 09-22-2018, 09:06 AM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is online now
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Hi Walter!

It's quite good fun working out what's going on, which is like a Rorschach test of how dirty one's mind is. If you only ever posted stuff like this I'd find it insufferable. Luckily you don't.

Surely not every letter will work? (I'm sure you'll prove me wrong because you're a clever swine)
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  #15  
Old 09-22-2018, 09:18 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Here's my take on stage notes for Pillow Talk:

Scene 1
M and m are lying next to each other, presumably on a bed, heads on pillows, probably naked, talking.
There is playful sexual tension in the room.
There is dominance and submission to the relationship (big M, little m)
M suggests to m something m is taken aback by.
M says something (9 and a half inches?) that m is impressed/startled by (!!!!!!)

Scene ends.

***************

Scene 2

M continues to woo m with bravado (MMMMMM!)
m expresses itís approval (mmm mmm!)

M and m become aroused and begin foreplay.

It continues, in various forms, all experimental and pleasurable.

They both finally ďlock inĒ and experience great pleasure together.

They climax.

Scene ends.


*******

Scene 3

M and M are lying quietly and m compliments M. M says something that startles m. m is incredulous that M has said what it has said.

It puts a damper on the sexual tension in the room.

There is a heightened sense of vulnerability in the room as they both lie silently next to each other.

M tries to explain. m is not having any of it.

M become emphatic and goes off on a long, rambling explanation of what it meant to say...

Finally m says itís ok, it understands.

Scene ends.

**********

Scene 4
(2 minute interlude)

Music plays as the lights go dark except for a soft, illuminating light on m.

Mís eyes are open, searching as if thinking, thoughtful.

Scene ends.

**********

Scene 5

M says something sweet to m.

m likes it, so M says it again. m becomes excited.

A feeling of forgiveness ensues.

They become quickly, sexually aroused and begin again to engage and entwine, this time in a more extreme, more experimental, more edgy, more darkly satisfying way.

They again climax and then settle back onto their pillows in silence.

Music plays softly.

Stage goes dark.

End.
x
x
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  #16  
Old 09-23-2018, 08:23 AM
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Orwn Acra Orwn Acra is online now
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Everyone's interpretations have been amusing and great, a lot of them better than my own.

Some points:
  • It seems the fourth act is not working. Michael's comments and Jim's perhaps accidental omission of that scene suggest that this one is more nonsensical than ambiguous. I want to play with ideas of passiveness/submissiveness, masculinity/femininity (even if both Ms are male, which is open-ended), so I will re-work this section.
  • The last bit I want to be less ambiguous than rest:

    M: (...
    m: ...)

    Here they should complete each other's silences in postcoital closeness. Would this make it more clear?

    M: (...
    m: (......)

    Suggestions are welcome.

James, thanks for your interpretation! The %#@$ is an act of self-censorship and a way to get around the constraint of using one letter only. I want to explore more the power dynamics between little and big M.

Annie,
Les hauts et les bas en masse
do unspeakable things with their %@$
et leur bÍte noire
est dire au revoir
to matters deemed backwards and crass.

Jim, first thanks for the amazing scene-by-scene stage notes. Very helpful in knowing what is working and what is not. Then thanks for saying it would go well with Ono's music because I like her music and yes, there is a primal scream aspect to this--language in its most primitive state. (I imagined all their sounds being muffled by the pillow.)

Michael, the kink interpretation is so good and better than my own. Poetry hasn't yet touched my poems, but I think this one is better than "Fuck Stuck" at least.

Roger, Mark, David, I did imagine this being performed. The rest of the alphabet poems are not in this format. I have been working on them for the past seven years or so, and they will be the centerpiece of my first book whenever I manage to finish it. As you can imagine they are difficult to write and often come only in moments of inspiration.
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  #17  
Old 09-23-2018, 05:19 PM
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Michael Ferris Michael Ferris is offline
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Re: the last section, I see your meaning now. It's almost pictorial. And sweet (I think).
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