[Jan D. Hodge]

Now that the Bake-off has officially ended, I hope it will not appear ungracious if I offer a few reservations about these two poems, despite their obvious successes.

I don't think Wakefield's sonnet has offered any particular insight (though I too applaud that magical last line) into a pretty commonplace idea, unless maybe having something described as a "weekend slip," a youthful "lapse" lead (rather unconvincingly?) to eventual encores qualifies. L5 seems to me particularly tortured to get the present tense verb for rhyme, and the transition from "then" to "now" seems a bit clumsy; wouldn't lines 6-8 more appropriately come later?

"French Braids" is attractive and intriguing, but I think it might have profitted from some other word than "counsels" (L5), which disrupts the rhythm at that point without grammatical or dramatic justification. "Destruction" (L7) also seems a bit strong for the tone and context. I might have been tempted to save "undoing" for here, especially since "It's wary of undoing just for fun" carries such suggestive overtones not inappropriate for this context, and found a different rhyme pair for "viewing/undoing," which seems to me a bit clumsy and rhyme-driven.

Rhina's explanation of the "grammatically impossible 'between each braid'" -- "it [shows] how language has to be used inventively to do a little more than it can," preferring "lovely confusion" to "verbal logic" -- is both ingenious and apt, and I heartily concur. It also illustrates how a poem benefits from our understandable tendency to be particularly generous in making a case for work by those we know and like.

Cheers,
Jan

[RCrawford]

Jan:

Thanks for the comments on my poem but I just can't let this slide. You wrote:

"It also illustrates how a poem benefits from our understandable tendency to be particularly generous in making a case for work by those we know and like."

So, Rhina defended that line because she knows and likes me? How do you know she likes me? You've obviously never been to a meeting of the Powow River Poets. We all actually hate each other (it's a jealousy thing).

--Robert Crawford

[Jan D. Hodge]

Originally posted by RCrawford:
Jan:

Thanks for the comments on my poem but I just can't let this slide. You wrote:

"It also illustrates how a poem benefits from our understandable tendency to be particularly generous in making a case for work by those we know and like."

So, Rhina defended that line because she knows and likes me? How do you know she likes me? You've obviously never been to a meeting of the Powow River Poets. We all actually hate each other (it's a jealousy thing).

--Robert Crawford

I did NOT say she defended it "because." I also said I agreed with her judgment. Would you argue that the poem (or its reception) does not benefit from such an analysis?

Of course you all hate each other.

Perhaps my point would have been clearer had I said: "We are more likely to be able to make a case for work with which we are familiar, and more willing to do so for people we know and have worked with"? I certainly did not intend to cast even the slightest of aspersions, and I am sincerely sorry if you took it that way.

Jan

[RCrawford]

Jan:

No need to apologize at all. I was just making some fun.

Certainly, we are able to give better criticism to some than to others--and usually, they're someone we know rather well (and hopefully like). I find myself faltering most of the time in the critic's world. It's a very different animal than the writing itself. Some of my most valued critics could scan only at gunpoint, but they're the one's who will honestly scratch their heads and tell me "I don't get this. What ARE you trying to say here?"