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  #11  
Unread 01-08-2019, 11:40 PM
Julie Steiner's Avatar
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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Actually, I have the same problem with "amassed" as I did with "heaped up"--namely, it still seems to be a second active verb with "the nation" as its subject, rather than a second modifier for "its darkness." Whatever the rules about the hyphenation of before-the-noun and behind-the-noun modifiers, a hyphen would still underscore the fact that "heaped up" IS a modifier. There are times to break the rules for clarity's sake, and this may be one of them--especially since there's another noun in between.

Also, "heaped-up" seems closer to the spirit of a word that Rilke apparently coined for the purpose; it's more unusual and attention-getting than the duller "amassed," especially in the context of a non-physical thing like darkness. (There's a nice bit of alliteration between "hold" and "heaped," too.)

Don't mind my argumentativeness--whatever you want to do is fine. I'm just thinking with my mouth open.

By the way, my girls and I absolutely loved this charming and informative book about Venice (with special attention to the four horses) when we were homeschooling:
https://www.amazon.com/Vendela-Venic.../dp/912964559X
We gave away most of our homeschooling-related books to other families as soon as we finished with them, but I really wish I had hung onto this one, because when I wanted to reread it before my short-notice trip, no copies were available.

Last edited by Julie Steiner; 01-08-2019 at 11:51 PM.
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  #12  
Unread 01-08-2019, 11:51 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
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Hi Susan,

As Julie says, whatever you want to do is fine. I enjoyed her tile explanation. :-)

Cheers,
John
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  #13  
Unread 01-09-2019, 09:02 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is online now
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Julie, I want to avoid confusion in readers, so I have tried omitting the "and" at the start of S2L1 and adding commas to make "heaped up in secret" a modifying phrase. I hope that that way it will not appear to be a verb. It is always better for the writer to do the work of clarifying than for the reader to have to do the work of puzzling out possible meanings.

Susan
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Unread 01-09-2019, 09:23 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
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Yup, that's an improvement.

Cheers,
John
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  #15  
Unread 01-09-2019, 05:16 PM
Julie Steiner's Avatar
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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Works for me!
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