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Unread 04-15-2019, 02:01 PM
Julie Steiner's Avatar
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 5,678

I did actually like the fact that the fish-out-of-water moments were summed up by "I feel at home for the first time in years."

If you were to cut the next bit, about the children becoming merchants and having a daughter-in-law with a probably-anachronistic career and drinking bad beer, and thus could go straight from "I feel at home for the first time in years" to "I’m convinced that I am my own ancestor," I think that would be more effective.
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Unread 04-15-2019, 03:09 PM
Andrew Szilvasy Andrew Szilvasy is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,564


It's a good thought. But women in Rome, though allowed no political life, had a good deal of latitude in the business world, and so it wouldn't be surprising for them to be a pub-owner, say, or at least a tender.

I'm not entirely convinced of cutting out the line, but it's worth thinking about.
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Unread 04-15-2019, 09:41 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 3,829

Hi Andrew,

A quick note to say I enjoyed this on the whole, both tonally and musically. Thank you for the read.

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