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Unread 04-07-2021, 09:15 AM
Daniel Kemper's Avatar
Daniel Kemper Daniel Kemper is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: California
Posts: 1,188
Default Naughty Foodie - Four Distinct Tastes

1. Poultry Shears

Massage the back with herbs and olive oil...
then roll the poultry over; do the breast.
Admire- of course you do not want to broil,
you want to take your time. Indulge the rest,
the stronger flavors: garlic, lemon, thyme.
Insert your fingers, turn and press. Then take
those slippery legs and scissor them. Take time
to find and hold the perfect spot to make
the perfect seal. The oven's hot by now
so go all in and let the steady heat
do all that it should do and wait, but how
much more? Until the juice flows clear and sweet.
The satisfaction comes when it will come.
The satisfaction comes when it will come.

2. Pita Double Dipping

A pita unattended for too long
goes stale, but with a little salad oil
and fresh imagination, comes back strong.
A spicy sprinkle, make the oven broil,
prepare a butter-cheese for dipping: soon
to makin bacon, stir together--fork
with gusto: afterwards relax and spoon
and savor. What can beat a greasy pork?
The titillating two create a smell
that's not for every taste, but salty-sweet
and pungent rollicks more than you can tell
and still remain the slightest bit discreet.
So dip your pita in again and eat,
and yet again, and lather rinse repeat.

3. A Little Dessert Wine Before Dinner

Entranced by flame it's easy to forget
the evening's most delectable concern
and prematurely sip a sweet sauterne
as oil, tenderloin, and spice are set
to simmer: soon enough the meat will sweat.
This satisfies her pride. She starts to turn
to tease the garnish - the meat won't burn,
but Ah! She lives to test the edge-- Not yet.
Alfalfa sprouts can clump if they're too wet
and so she fluffs them just enough to learn
that she should still go slow, and lets me churn.
And grunt. She isn't always delicate.

But have extended pauses strained the form
too long? As she considers the red bliss
potatoes' butter coated under tone
and skin, the miracles she can perform
she knows, but I can't take much more of this.
She gorges, confident we are alone,
and makes me finish like a thunderstorm.
She understands, while wiping with a kiss,
that I'm a pig. And loves her chicharrón.

4. Edamame

A little pressure plumps the outer parts,
if slowly steamed so condensation slips
and seeps along your finger-play: Whose lips
anticipate these culinary arts?
The fuzzy pod, so soft, yet slightly rough,
begins to split within an artful pinch
and from a tremulously placid flinch
the salty bean emerges through the scruff.
Attend the volta with a careful tongue
and turn your head to test the tumid bean.
and get the savory foretaste. Obscene?
If art is love and love is art among
these connoisseurs, why not tease and taunt
them all? Umami is the thing you want.

Last edited by Daniel Kemper; 04-27-2021 at 06:22 PM. Reason: fix typo, fix chicharrón (add accent), fixes the 's' Martin pointed out.
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Unread 04-08-2021, 06:34 AM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Staffordshire, England
Posts: 4,042

Desert Wine —> Dessert Wine?

Or perhaps you're going for some subtle double meaning, in keeping with the subtlety of the rest of the poem.
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Unread 04-08-2021, 09:36 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 7,137

This grinds away for so long that I'm tempted to fake an orgasm to make it stop.

Seriously, though, I think each section would be far more effective as a stand-alone poem, rather than as part of a nonstop orgy of gluttony. It's possible to have too much of a good thing!

Although the whole concept is four distinct tastes, there's a certain hot-and-heavy sameness to all four of these, which seems like a lost opportunity to celebrate a wider range of deliciousness. I'm reminded of an episode on The Voice about ten years ago, when the same backup dancers provided basically the same bump-and-grind choreography to Bob Dylan/Darius Rucker's "Wagon Wheel" (about a trucker looking forward to coming home to his wife after a long time away) as they did for Donna Summers' "Hot Stuff," (about trying to find someone, anyone, available a hookup that night). One song was sweet and tender, and one was aggressively spicy, but to the choreographer, sex came in only one flavor.

Also, although the popularity of porn seems strong evidence to the contrary, I think nothing is sexier than one's own imagination. These could leave more to the reader's imagination, to very good effect. Maybe adapt the usual advice of "show, don't tell" to "suggest, don't show"?

"chicharrón" needs an accent. You can copy and paste this one.
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Unread 04-09-2021, 08:05 PM
Daniel Kemper's Avatar
Daniel Kemper Daniel Kemper is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: California
Posts: 1,188

Oh, Clarices, your problems are you need to get more fun out of life. Heh. Well, at least whenever anyone reads a poem in which I say, a topic is just a topic, they'll get it.

BTW, I was challenged about roses and flowers and men recently. To which, I must submit the following:

O my Luve is like a purpled rose
whose beauty makes men swoon
with jealousy they can't control
and play the grand buffoon.

So tall and broad, my bonnie bloom,
the flower of thy youth
immodestly outlasts all men
immodest, but in truth.

Immodestly I said my dear,
since when their vanity is done,
who else can be your peer, my dear,
or better by comparison?

So fare you well, and everyone
who stares at you a while;
Amorphophallus is the one
whose bloom so makes me smile.

I mean, JFC, you take yourselves seriously finding typos in bawdy poems. C'mon guys. That's embarrassingg. Really, "Oh it would have been o.k., if only.... " Like a drunk frat boy sneaking across the frat house lawn, you blind yourselves with your own excuse making. On to the next---


I must commend you both on your bravery. There are 100+ stinking lurkers our there afraid to even venture what you did and engage even minimally. I might snark off to you two with bravado and crassness, but I do hold you two in the highest esteem of the crowd. Where are the social justice warriors now? The ones who want to take on the other posts when these appear? Scurrying like cockroaches. Only you two. Rock on for you both!

And on to the next verse.
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Unread 04-09-2021, 08:13 PM
R. Nemo Hill's Avatar
R. Nemo Hill R. Nemo Hill is offline
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Halcott, New York
Posts: 9,352

Daniel, you give new meaning to the word windbag.

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Unread 04-09-2021, 08:48 PM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 5,354

Nemo, yes, along with double-Doctor Laundry of time past. Daniel, you have only 997 nights to go. Tell us about them (not). Daniel, you are amazing, and I'm sorry if I have done you wrong, but you're having more fun than the law allows. I dare not comment on your cuisine.
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Unread 04-09-2021, 11:09 PM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 7,137

Daniel, more people might be inclined to critique your poems if you were a little nicer to the people who DO take the time to do so.

This sonnet by Robert Crawford illustrates the "less is more" and "leave something to the reader's imagination" points that I was trying to make:

Kitchen Remodeling

I know I should be listening to your
description of the changes that you've made,
since you implied that following this tour
I'd take the test to be your kitchen aide.
I should note where you've moved the lobster pot,
but I'm distracted by your lips, your smile,
the way your hips rest up against—well, not
your hips, exactly—the edge of cool white tile.
I know you're telling me about the brand
new island and the cabinet space inside,
but it's a blur. I hope you'll understand,
forgive the fact, that I've grown glassy-eyed,
and lost, imagining what I could do
on this expanse of countertop with you.

Yes, I know, this is not the tone that you were going for, and I don't think there's anything wrong with straightforward bawdiness, per se. But too much of it at once can get boring.

Last edited by Julie Steiner; 04-10-2021 at 12:03 AM.
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Unread 04-10-2021, 12:17 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 5,047

Well, Daniel, in view of your reply to Mark and Julie, I'm not going to bother to engage even minimally with the content of your poems beyond saying that I agree with Julie, and that I second and will expand on Nemo's remark:

Daniel, you give new meaning to the phrase 'offensive, insulting and self-obsessed windbag.'
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Unread 04-10-2021, 07:17 AM
Max Goodman Max Goodman is offline
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 1,937

I'm seeing this for the first time and want to be sure to register myself as one of those who has read it without bothering to make a constructive comment. This masterpiece clearly wasn't posted with any desire to workshop it.
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Unread 04-10-2021, 08:05 AM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 5,354

I would like to say that I think it's appropriate now to let the author here take time to reflect and calm down. I'm unclear what the acronym JFC means in his post beyond knowing it isn't Kentucky Fried Chicken, however what I suspect is actually offensive to me, and I'm tolerant as a rule. Probably my interpretation is wrong. -- Even if the author has been temporarily high on his own supply, as Katy Perry sings, or has been a bit manic recently or whatever, I think less is much more: Exactly One Of These At A Time Would Have Been Enough. EOOTAATWHBE. It's not that they are inherently bad, so much as there is too much too muchness, and I don't warm to the author's latest post at 9:05 yesterday or the linked picture. Daniel is not all bad. Maybe not at all until recently. Everybody take a break?

Last edited by Allen Tice; 04-10-2021 at 08:13 AM.
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