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  #11  
Unread 02-11-2019, 12:40 AM
Ron Greening Ron Greening is offline
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Hi Ralph,
This is an entertaining read.

I have a technical question: Are high and day in stanza 3 a slant rhyme? I canít hear it.

I suggest that his lawyer would more believably tweet him jokey valentines than his shrink. The lasting pain is sufficiently evident in the final line that the psychiatric allusion isnít needed in the line above.

Regards, Ron
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  #12  
Unread 02-11-2019, 01:14 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
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John: Thanks for reading and encouraging.

Ron: I’m thinking hard about your off-rhyme point and the ending. Thanks for the attention.
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  #13  
Unread 02-11-2019, 01:30 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is online now
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Ralph, I am fine with the off-rhyme of "High" and "day." I would prefer "nuance" to off-rhyme with the singular of "romance." I think the line reads better that way, anyway.

Best,

Aaron
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  #14  
Unread 02-11-2019, 01:34 PM
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Orwn Acra Orwn Acra is offline
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Neither the title nor the dummy title are serving you. It is a nice poem. The off rhymes give it sophistication.
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  #15  
Unread 02-11-2019, 04:56 PM
Ron Greening Ron Greening is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RCL View Post
Ron: Iím thinking hard about your off-rhyme point
Ralph,
My slant rhyme question was honestly just a question. I spent some time after I posted thinking about the sounds and feel in the two words and noticed the similar aspiration at the end of high and day. My sense of slant just grew two sizes.
Ron
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  #16  
Unread 02-11-2019, 08:11 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
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Martin R, I wasnít ignoring you! Thanks for the affirmation. Sure, fix the title typo if youíre in the neighborhood.

Orwn, I hear you. Thanks for the attention. Am noodling for a new title.

Aaron, Thanks for the nudge on romance, which is clearly best. It seems that High is nearly impossible to off-rhyme (Iíve tinkered with boy and joy).

Ron, again, thanks. Iíve been going batty trying to make it better, partly noted in response to Aaron P.
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