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Old 09-12-2017, 10:36 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
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Default Elvis

King Elvis

Why did the King make some folks swoon,
score girls, cool cars and Sullivan shows,
tap blue suede shoes and soulfully croon?
Why did the King make some folks swoon,
the black made white in every tune?
When all shook up in stardust clothes,
why did the King make some folks swoon,
score girls, cool cars and Sullivan shows?

L5: the black made white in every tune? For
hound dogs or devils in a tune?
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Last edited by RCL; 09-16-2017 at 01:53 PM. Reason: added missing ? ending L 3; regularized last 2 lines; why for how
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Old 09-13-2017, 02:52 AM
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Richard Oakley Richard Oakley is offline
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Hey Ralph,

Not bad, but why go with 'lone' instead of 'some' in
the penultimate line? I see no good reason to change.

Rich.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:00 AM
Max Goodman Max Goodman is offline
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How did the King earn swoons? I'll bite.
By singing good songs and singing them right.
By swinging his hips in pants that were tight.
By playing black music and being white.

I often don't see the point of triolets, so take this with a grain of salt. I'm not sure whether the poem means its main question to be laudatory (how could anyone have accomplished so much), derogatory (how did the talentless bastard get so successful), or something else. The question about how he tapped his shoes and sang makes even less sense to me.

I'm saying "I don't get it" to a lot of poems recently. Maybe it's me.

Last edited by Max Goodman; 09-13-2017 at 07:03 AM.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:08 AM
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Max, I had no problem with the question about how he tapped, et. al.:
I took it as meaning, look how he did this, or that: not as a question.
My final clue that led me to that conclusion was the lack of a question mark.

Rich.
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:29 PM
Max Goodman Max Goodman is offline
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Richard, I'm glad the poem is less confusing to you than to me.

I can't see the punctuation you point to as conclusive evidence that L3 isn't meant as a question. If it isn't, phrasing it as a question (or punctutating it so that it's part of the question preceding it) doesn't seem a helpful strategy. I don't see clear evidence of how we should understand the line.
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:52 PM
David Callin David Callin is online now
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Ralph, it's nicely put together, but I think it's either a question that answers itself or one that requires a more interesting answer of your own. Don't leave it there!

Cheers

David
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:48 PM
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Richard and Max, my bad that there’s no question mark after croon; fell asleep at the keys. . .

Richard: Thanks for the confidence! I do sometimes mess with the form; in this instance, “lone” could be a slight suggestion of fan-aticism? But it may be purified. Also, cool became hot cars.

Max: Thanks for thinking about it and giving it such a terrific answer.

David: Thanks for your confidence as well, but right now it’s a question that answers itself. I’ll ponder a way to make a better there there. Maybe the change to Line 5?
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Last edited by RCL; 09-13-2017 at 04:01 PM.
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