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  #11  
Unread 07-04-2019, 09:12 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Nowadays chimes better with way back.
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  #12  
Unread 07-04-2019, 10:02 AM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
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How about just "Now, though, . . ." etc.? I miss "though" in the "Nowadays" version, and the pauses the commas add.
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  #13  
Unread 07-04-2019, 10:07 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Just reading a piece about Orson Welles on his religious views/beliefs (he was very stingy with personal information on this subject). I found this quote to be truthful:

"I try to be a Christian. I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God."

Later in life he declared himself atheist but in this context:

"Near the end of his life, Welles was dining at Ma Maison, his favorite restaurant in Los Angeles, when proprietor Patrick Terrail conveyed an invitation from the head of the Greek Orthodox Church, who asked Welles to be his guest of honor at divine liturgy at Saint Sophia Cathedral. Welles replied, 'Please tell him I really appreciate that offer, but I am an atheist.'" --From Terrail, Patrick, A Taste of Hollywood: The Story of Ma Maison. New York: Lebhar-Friedman Books, 1999
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  #14  
Unread 07-04-2019, 10:14 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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There is something of a surfer-dude/Valley Girl mentality to the first couplet. What about "Hello-o!" (not sure of the spelling -- accent on the second syllable) instead of Yoohoo? Or "Knock-knock" (no that doesn't work : )
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  #15  
Unread 07-04-2019, 06:05 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Thank you, all, for commenting.

I have come to think that the original is best.

"Way back" to me means quite clearly "I have heard/read that God came to visit all the time long ago." The Old Testament tells him so.

"Today" doesn't mean "this very day" so much as "nowadays".

There's no conflict; no ambiguity.

Jim, I am open to something other than "Yoohoo" but I can't come up with any more apt attention-seeking exclamation.

Best,

Aaron
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  #16  
Unread 07-06-2019, 10:13 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Hi Aaron, I don't think you need the comma after "Today". Do you want to pause like that?
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