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  #11  
Old 11-13-2018, 02:46 AM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
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The two clauses are racing each other to be said first.
Yes, I do get this. I got it from the start, but just wasn't sure if the intent was enough to justify the interruption (for me) of the flow. But I see you're probably correct. As you were. The poem is a dark, satisfyingly intense experience.
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  #12  
Old 11-13-2018, 08:34 AM
John Riley John Riley is online now
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Thanks, Mark. I enjoy discussing these things. It is one of the frustrations of it not happening in person. I appreciate your interest in my poem.

John
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  #13  
Old 11-15-2018, 04:34 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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I'd start with, Since I was a project boy (such a nice moment there~ direct but with something else going on), I loved... I think the title is too much. You have a talent for the understated, and this poem begs for that, imo. Fantastic scene, John.
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  #14  
Old 11-15-2018, 07:15 PM
Cally Conan-Davies Cally Conan-Davies is offline
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Originally Posted by John Riley View Post
The narrator isn't writing a poem. He's telling us something he wants to get said.
You've given me a great learning moment with this comment, John. I can't imagine this point being made with fewer words or more accuracy. It's a reminder that poetry is necessary speech -- speech that "wants to get said".

Thanks, mate.

Cally
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  #15  
Old 11-16-2018, 08:47 AM
John Riley John Riley is online now
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Thanks, James--I'll consider your suggestions during rewrite.

Thanks, Cally--After I wrote that I thought it may be too sharp. I appreciate you understanding my point.

John
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  #16  
Old 11-16-2018, 02:51 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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"He's telling us something that he wants to get said." I'm with you on that. I think that's why we're here, right? Or at least that's what the nurse told me at the front desk.

Last edited by James Brancheau; 11-16-2018 at 02:54 PM. Reason: I paraphrased a little, but will leave it
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  #17  
Old 11-16-2018, 08:32 PM
John Riley John Riley is online now
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Thanks, James
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