[Marion Shore]

Latest Speccie:

No. 2594: Short story
You are invited to submit a short story
(150 words maximum) in which the first line is, ‘It was the wrong number that started it...’ and the final line is ‘P.S. Sorry I forgot to give you the mayonnaise.’ Entries to ‘Competition 2594’ by 30 April or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.

Since you've sharpened your prose chops on "Inconsequential" you might like to have a go at this one.

[Roger Slater]

Power Lunch


It was the wrong number that started it. I meant to dial the White House Deli but I dialed the White House by mistake.

"Barack here," a voice answered. "How may I help you?"

"Can you deliver a turkey sandwich with extra mayo on a toasted bun?"

"Yes, we can."

Fifteen minutes later, a motorcade pulled up to my house and a thin black man stepped from a limousine, handed me a paper bag, then got back in and drove off. I opened the bag and found an overstuffed turkey sandwich with a handwritten note:

"I didn't have time to toast the roll because Putin is holding on the other line. I'm writing this note in the car. Please support my stimulus package!"

Imagine my disappointment when I turned the note over and saw, "P.S. Sorry I forgot to give you mayonnaise."

[Marion Shore]

It was the wrong number that started it. At least she said it was a wrong number. But I know it was your mistress. Oh come on, dearest-- surely you didn't think I had no idea what was going on? Anyway, I'm divorcing you. And-- thank goodness for that prenup! --you're not getting a penny! I'm leaving for the South of France; when I get back I expect you to have cleared out, lock, stock and barrel. You’ll find a parting gift in the fridge: some bologna sandwiches and that potato salad you like so much. Have a picnic, darling. It may be the last square meal you'll ever get.
Your soon-to-be Ex.
P. S. Sorry, I forgot to give you the mayonnaise.