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Old 03-03-2018, 06:27 PM
Jayne Osborn's Avatar
Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Default Constipation

Our lovely Julie (Steiner) said this on my thread over on Metrical, delighting several of us:

It might be fun to replace the octave's semicolons and colons with full stops, to make it feel more constipated and "going nowhere." "

Now, in true Spectator and Oldie style, "you are invited to write a poem which includes the word ''constipated" or "constipation".

[I doubt anyone can say, "Here's one I wrote earlier" ]

Jayne
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Old 03-03-2018, 09:08 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Now I am quite elated
to find I'm constipated,
since pooing unobstructed
in this loo I've constructed
could only lead to trouble.
My poo's interminable;
I view the passing spring
while passing not a thing,
and contemplate the plumbing
as my rear end is numbing.

Cheers,
John
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Old 03-04-2018, 02:13 AM
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Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
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Er... here's one I wrote earlier...

Sonnet Composed Upon Westminster Tube Station

Earth has not anything to show more fine
Than that which underpins that mighty heart.
The same arrangement graces yours and mine
But London’s bowels are a world apart.
Embark not on another aimless wander
Go, operate thine Oyster and invest in
An hour or two to ride the rails and ponder
The intricacies of its great intestine.
Scraps of humanity are sucked inside,
Whirling with strangers in unwitting waltzes,
All thrown together in a breathless ride
And squeezed along by merry peristalsis.
Through any of its many mouths man passes
To creep unconstipated from its arses.
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Old 03-04-2018, 02:49 AM
Adrian Fry Adrian Fry is offline
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I'm gummed up.
Blocked.
My anus overstocked.
Bowel choc full of lead.
NO EXIT up ahead.

I'm ram packed.
Stuck.
An overloaded truck.
Lower gut is cruel
To so withhold a stool.
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Old 03-04-2018, 03:58 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
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[deleted - why does this site double-post when I try to edit an existing post?]

Last edited by Brian Allgar; 03-04-2018 at 04:03 AM.
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Old 03-04-2018, 04:02 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayne Osborn View Post
[I doubt anyone can say, "Here's one I wrote earlier" ]
Jayne
Well, Ann has already proved you wrong, and here's one I wrote earlier which may be considered 'on topic', although I admit that it doesn't actually include the word:

Donald’s clutching the solid gold rail
In the bathroom. The pain makes him wail;
He’s straining his arse,
But the motion won’t pass -
Another Republican fail.
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Old 03-04-2018, 05:27 AM
Nigel Mace Nigel Mace is offline
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Ann, that is quite memorably brilliant.
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Old 03-04-2018, 06:04 AM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Superb, Annie!

And fine efforts from John, Adrian and Brian. I hope it wasn't too much of a strain.

(I haven't managed to work one out myself; still stuck )

Jayne
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Old 03-04-2018, 07:17 AM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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As I age, it takes so long!
But lately I've grown used to it.
I once brought haiku to the loo,
but these days I bring Proust to it.
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Old 03-04-2018, 11:26 AM
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RCL RCL is offline
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Default How Big!!

Exultation is the Going

After Emily Dickinson

Exultation is the going
Of clots inside of me -
Past the organs -
Past the navel -
Into a sluggish Sea -

I’m never regular or fluid,
But Constipated understand
There’s divine intoxication
When my loads decide to land.

Franklin, 143



Caco Ergo Sum

Constipation of one’s poop
is gold for those with IBS-D.
Never in a gut-blocked group,
they’d race to one in a stampede
and drop their heavy baggy Pampers
For Adults they’ve roundly hated
as mockeries of stinky diapers
that made their parents so elated.
__________________
Ralph

Last edited by RCL; 03-04-2018 at 06:33 PM.
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