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Old 09-22-2018, 01:56 PM
AZ Foreman's Avatar
AZ Foreman AZ Foreman is offline
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"Near-death" is an excellent choice and works on multiple levels, especially because it reminds us moderns of near-death experiences. It really meshes with Dante's liminal state here.

I always have felt the subject of is actually cosa dura and not the selva. He has already mentioned how hard (painful and difficult) a thing it is to say what it was.

But the way you've done it works. The syntactic dislocation implied by the dash before near-death gives a similar feel of referential ambiguity as in the Italian.

"I came to see" can be read multiple ways too, and in ways that all compass something of what Dante is doing in the poem. Excellent choice there.

"Meant such fright in me" is an interesting enough phrase that it justifies losing some of what compunto offers.

I feel like some better word than density is available for the job you want to do there. Density seems a bit colorless. Coming in rhyme-position, it's a word that makes the line strike at the mind, not the gut the way the Italian line does. Honestly I think you did much better with bristly in your draft. A metrical reading of your line requires a trisyllabic pronunciation the woods were so wild, dense and bris-ǝ-li: which draws the bristle out very effectively and gives it texture.

I do wonder why you didn't translate the ma of the fifth tercet. The sense of "but" there seems important tonally.
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Old 09-22-2018, 10:43 PM
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Allen Tice Allen Tice is online now
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(Watching this one, Aaron.)
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