[Jim Hayes]

A Passing Problem

A lady is pushed into Pat’s auto shop
in her spanking brand new BMW.
“It just conked out and came to a stop”
She said to Pat “I’m sorry to trouble you

but could you see where the story lies?”
Pat has it purring in five minutes flat—
“Crap in the carburetor” he replies.
“ Is it often ye think I’ll have to do that?”

Jim Hayes

[This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited July 27, 2002).]

[Jim Hayes]

Missing School

Grogan, having a drink in the bar,
is approached by a gent, clearly he's gay;
the bartender, watching, wonders how far
the two will proceed, but they both go away
together. The next day Grogan comes back;
the bartender, curious, asks what occurred;
" We goes to his flat, he takes a quare tack-
'I've been a bold boy' is the strange ting I heard.

"I looks an' he's wearing a school uniform
wid a cane in his hand, 'Now spank me' sez he,
'for missing school when there wasn't no storm.'
"Go on!" says the barkeep excitedly.
"Well I'll tell ye this, an' I've no more to say-
be jaypers he didn't miss school today!"

Jim Hayes



[This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited July 27, 2002).]

[Roger Slater]

I posted a ten stanza version of this above in the thread. I'm wondering if this seven stanza version works better. All opinions welcome:

FAIR IS FOWL


"I'm bored," Jack told the madame, "of your women.
And yet I am not gay and don't want men.
Is there a room I might indulge my whim in
to sample something different now and then?"

"I know just what you mean," the madame told him.
"Go up the stairs, the first door on your right,
and you'll find what you want." Her promise sold him.
Eagerly he bounded up the flight

and burst into the room the madame spoke of.
And there he found a chicken! Ten feet tall!
At first he thought that he'd been made a joke of,
but then he thought, "It's different, after all. . . ."

The next day he returned and said, "Though I
enjoyed the chicken, is there something new
and different that it's worth my while to try?
The madame answered, "Try door number two."

So Jack went up the stairs and tried the door
the brothel's friendly madame recommended.
There was no chicken this time, that's for sure,
just six or seven old men who attended

a boring show that took place just behind
a one-way mirror: women making love.
He watched a bit but, sadly, did not find
the kinky pleasure he'd been dreaming of.

He told a nearby man, "What can I say?
There's nothing here to make my heartbeat quicken."
"That's true," the man replied, "but yesterday
you could have watched some nutcase fuck a chicken!"

[Jim Hayes]

Both versions are excellent Bob, but I do think the shorter version is more economical and I believe you've improved what I thought was unimprovable.

Well done.

Jim

[Carol Taylor]

Yes, excellent revision, Roger!

Carol

[Tim Murphy]

What Jim and Carol said. I also think that Jim's Double Trouble is brilliant and the gay joke is a SCREAM.

[ChrisW]

Maybe it's just my voyeuristic tendencies showing themselves, but I rather miss the description of the chicken sex and the "to boldly go where no man has gone before" idea in the original. But I might argue that that bit performs the important function of helping build up to the THUD of the punchline, and of making a real tale of it (which keeps the reader from looking ahead to the punchline). Maybe just *one* quatrain about the chicken-sex and how exciting it was? The joke seems funnier to me if we know that how much he loved it.

[Carol Taylor]

This thread is full, and we've got more than enough poems for a book. I've put up a new thread for Volume II submissions. Who knows?

I'll try to update the draft today or tomorrow with the new contents, and within the next few days I'll put up a tentative list of the excerpt for Light Quarterly.

Carol

[Carol Taylor]

Tim, I'm pushing these old threads back to the top so we can see what's already been versified. You can move them over to General Talk if you'd rather.

Submissions are continued on the Versified Jokes - Revisited thread on General Talk.

Carol