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Unread 09-29-2019, 02:10 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
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I’m trying out this and other possibilities as kind of preface to an ultra-lite manuscript of the same title. It refers or alludes to some of the book’s contents.

Rev 1


Prologue

My Miscellaneous Muse


Her mind is like a sound museum
urging me to carpe diem.
She has no style, theme or trope,
nothing with which I cannot cope
when compiling pastiche verses
some consider metric curses.
She lets my pseudo proverbs pass
even though a few are crass.
Though far from metaphysical,
she’s often aphrodisiacal.
The songs she sings about her singing
of self-indulgent meta-meaning
can make her seem maniacal
but calms when I am critical.
We also mess with rhymes and sonnets;
the latter only rhymes with bonnets.
Our lists of clothes folks hold their breath for
at the Cerements for Death store;
the “Who Wrote That?” of Tailgaters
for literary contemplators;
the Clerihews, Auto-Epitaphs—
some serious, a few for laughs.
We're risking other whimsies here
that you may damn or love or cheer.
With paragraphs of po-biz prose
on Disneyland dazed bards we close.

Tweaked per Mark’s suggestions.


My Miscellaneous Muse

Her mind is like a sound museum
urging me to carpe diem.
She has no style, theme or trope,
nothing fancy I can’t cope
with when compiling pastiche verses
some consider metric curses.
And she allows my pseudo-proverbs
that established truth disturbs.
Though far from metaphysical,
she’s often aphrodisiacal.
The songs she sings about her singing
of self-indulgent meta-meaning
can make her seem maniacal
but calms when I am critical.
Since in my head she chose to live,
she is sustained by narrative.
We also mess with rhymes and sonnets,
which only seems to rhyme with bonnets.
Our list of clothes all folks must die for,
from Flipping My Finger at Death store;
the “Who said that?” of Tailgaters
for literary contemplators;
the Clerihews, Auto-Epitaphs—
are serious, a few for laughs.
We risk some other whimsies here
that you may damn or love or cheer.
With paragraphs of po-biz prose
on Disneyland dazed bards we close.
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Last edited by RCL; 10-03-2019 at 12:23 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 09-29-2019, 03:08 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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Hi Ralph,

I like the idea having an introductory verse to a collection of miscellany. I've got a couple of points on the metre and rhyme.

I hear this is as trimeter:

that esTABlished TRUTH disTURBS.

maybe you want to promote the 'that', but I don't hear it. A one-syllable word before 'established' would be the metre clear. 'the' or 'most' maybe?

can MAKE her SEEM MANiACal

Again maybe you're wanting the first syllable promoted, but I don't hear it. So I think this would benefit from a syllable between 'seem' and 'maniacal'. E.g. "can make her seem quite maniacal", or something.


Since in my head she chose to live

strikes me as inverted for the rhyme.


Our list of clothes all folks must die for,
from My Middle Finger to Death store;

The second line's a bit bumpy with that 'my', and whereas the rest of the rhymes fall on the stressed syllable (second syllable of the final foot), here the rhyme is between the unstressed extra syllable 'for' and the (probably) stressed extra syllable of 'store'. I think it'd better if you could a get a rhyme of both syllables, e.g. "Our list of clothes folks hold their breath for".

best,

Matt
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Unread 09-29-2019, 04:46 PM
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Matt, thanks for the pointers my ear didn’t, er, see! Well, I thought they’d be upbeat after the previous line’s ending downbeat. Aging ears. I decided the rhyme inversion line was superfluous, so it’s gone.
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Unread 10-01-2019, 10:01 PM
Mark Stone Mark Stone is offline
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Ralph, Hi.

1. To make LL5-6 metrically matching, you could move “with” to L4. Perhaps something like:

She has no style, theme or trope,
nothing with which I cannot cope
when compiling pastiche verses
some consider metric curses.

2. “Proverbs” and “disturbs” don’t rhyme well, since one has the emphasis on the first syllable and the other does not. I could not find a rhyme for "proverbs." But you could rhyme "disturbs" with "curbs" or "perturbs."

3. If “quite” is removed from L13, then L13 and L14 will have matching meter.

4. Here is an alternative for LL15-16:

We also mess with rhymes and sonnets;
the latter only rhymes with bonnets.

5. If you want to add some alliteration, you could change L22 to read:

some serious, a few for laughs.

Best wishes,

Mark
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Unread 10-01-2019, 11:03 PM
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Thanks, Mark. My ear grows weaker year by year! Made the adjustments you suggest and had wrestled away the proverb rhyme and anticipated adding “some” on the original. Good eye.
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