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  #21  
Unread 10-16-2019, 08:48 PM
Mary Meriam's Avatar
Mary Meriam Mary Meriam is online now
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Hi Mark, I lost interest and stopped reading after 11 stanzas. It was a relief, in a way, to see other critters had the same reaction. I agree with their suggestions to pare it down to its essence. As Virginia Woolf said, “the cardinal labour of composition...is excision.”
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  #22  
Unread 10-18-2019, 10:18 AM
Mark Stone Mark Stone is offline
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Mary, I will take your advice and do some cutting. When I shared your comment with my wife yesterday, she volunteered to have first turn at the ax. We'll see what she and I come up with. Mark
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  #23  
Unread 10-21-2019, 03:20 PM
Mark Stone Mark Stone is offline
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All, In the second revision the poem has gone from 18 stanzas to 12. Is this an improvement? Also, part of me wants to add back the final stanza from the previous version (which would make the poem 13 stanzas long). Would this be a good idea or not? Mark
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  #24  
Unread 10-26-2019, 05:12 PM
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Jan Iwaszkiewicz Jan Iwaszkiewicz is offline
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Hello Mark as others have said on the page this suffers from the weight of its length. As a performance piece however it is delightful and will not suffer from that weight. if you had prefaced your posting with a note that this is a performance piece you may have received more praise
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