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Unread 11-21-2010, 09:16 AM
Holly Martins Holly Martins is offline
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Location: Kent, UK
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Default The Royal Marriage

The UK media are having a field day over the Royal Wedding. Today's Sunday Times has this excellent sonnet by Sophie Hannah:


ROYAL WEDDING POEM

I have attended weddings in the past
Where I'm the only person in the room
To harbour an intransigent and vast
Landmass of spite towards the bride and groom.
I have attended weddings with my coat
Buttoned against the hot, ecstatic horde
Throughout the service, wearing a remote
Glaze to appear above it all and bored.

At last, a marriage I can celebrate:
No choruses of "Oh, you have to come!"
No one I liked once but have grown to hate
But must make small-talk with to please my mum.
Weddings involving nobody one knows -
What a good plan. I'll vote for more of those.


And here's my offering:


SOUR EPITHALAMIUM

I glower. She reproves:
‘Don’t be so sour!’ - as though
I was a witch at Sleeping
Beauty’s christening.

If Will and Kate had been
an ordinary pair,
I would have blessed them then
and there - for what that’s worth.

It’s all the brou-ha-ha,
the la-di-da, the faux-
romance-like make-believe.

In every fairytale I’ve read
the handsome Prince and Princess wed
before they honeymoon in bed.


Feel free to join the bunfight (it doesn't have to be a sonnet).
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  #2  
Unread 11-21-2010, 06:31 PM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is online now
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Default

Moved to Metrical to try to improve it.

Susan

Last edited by Susan McLean; 11-24-2010 at 02:00 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 11-21-2010, 08:58 PM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
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Location: United Kingdom
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Sophie Hannah's excellent poem was written a long time ago referring to a previous Royal Wedding. Not that that has any bearing on its excellence. The thing that really pisses me off is not another Royal Wedding, which after all won't cost me anything, but the sodding Olympic Games, two weeks of bloody running about, which will cost me a fortune. Another fine mess Blair got us into.

All hail to the Olympic Games!
All hail to all those medals!
There's some that runs, and some that jumps,
And some that bloody pedals,
There's some that swims and some that dives,
And some that likes to box.
I curse the lot and may God rot
Their little cotton socks.
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Unread 11-22-2010, 01:51 AM
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George Simmers George Simmers is offline
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I was a bit daft this week. I remembered that the Spectator comp was to write a reader-repellent blurb, but without a copy to hand when I started writing, assumed that it could be for an imaginary book. I therefore wrote this blurb for the book I should least want to buy. Then I got home and discovered that it had to be for a well-known novel. So thanks for starting this subject, which gives me an excuse to post it.

The Royal Wedding Tellyside Book

The Big Day is coming! And with this book you can enjoy it to the max! Celebrities like Michael Winner and Lembit Opik share their plans for celebrating Wills and Kate's wedding in style. Hit singer Susan Boyle gives her recipe for yummy scones you can munch in front of the telly. (And why not wash them down with a hilarious “Big Willie” cocktail, specially created by T.V.'s favourite funnyman, Jamie Corden? The recipe's in here!) Vanessa Feltz writes heart-warmingly about Kate the woman, and top psychic Derek Akorah reveals why Diana wants us all to take her new daughter-in-law to our hearts. This feature-packed book also includes lavish photo-stories about previous royal weddings and divorces, a crazy Prince Harry charades game, and a fun trivia quiz about the Duke of Edinburgh. Everything you need to make the Big Day complete!
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