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Unread 05-11-2021, 02:42 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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Default Planet poems

Hi,

I wrote this one recently in response to a prompt and I wondered whether anyone on the 'sphere would like to write some sort of planet poem.

It's intended as a rap (rhythm, cha-cha-CHING). The science might not be entirely accurate, but that might not matter to the N of course. I enjoyed writing it :-)


Pocket planet

Oy, stop pickin' on me. Yeh, I'm smallest of all
of the planets that circle our Sun
and I ain't very colourful -- 'Just a grey ball,'
you sniff, Venus; hey, thanks for that, hun.

Well, I might not be Jupiter, moony old chap;
I ain't Saturn, with all of his rings;
but I reckon I'd manage if we had a scrap –
I got rocks an' big ridges an' t'ings.

And besides, what is size if you're all full of gas?
You'd just burst if you ever came near,
an' that burst would leave... what? Not a great deal of mass.
I'd be biggest. Me, Merc. Are we clear?

Last edited by F.F. Teague; 05-16-2021 at 11:42 AM. Reason: Changes to S2 as discussed :-]
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Unread 05-11-2021, 03:13 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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A Message from the Second Planet

On Friday, astronomers announced a new paper laying out the case for the atmosphere of Venus as a possible niche for extraterrestrial microbial life. —EarthSky, March 31, 2018

We’re microbes in the clouds of Venus
of an otherworldly genus
gobbling CO2 and spitting
out sulfuric acid—fitting
for a life form that can waft
akin to an oceangoing craft
far above the rocks and soil
whose heat will make lead bullets boil.

We’re vitamin D3 gourmets,
drinking ultraviolet rays
as we have done for donkey’s years,
wild about the atmosphere’s
asphyxiating greenhouse gas,
so reflective that your glass
sees only jewel-like radiance.
You scientists are on the fence

on whether there is life on Venus,
but only ’cause you haven’t seen us
yet. And we don’t want you to,
for if you poke and probe, you’ll strew
our virgin world with noxious matter.
All tranquility will shatter.
Goggle at our planet. Stand
in distant awe. But please don’t land!

(Appeared in The New Verse News, Tuesday, April 3, 2018)

https://newversenews.blogspot.com/20...nd-planet.html
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Unread 05-12-2021, 01:03 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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Thanks, Martin; very much enjoyed :-)

It would be great to get a collection of these, but I don't know whether many people are posting on D&A these days :-/
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Unread 05-12-2021, 04:24 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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Thanks, Fliss. I enjoyed your poem very much. Though Mercury is now the smallest planet, it used to be Pluto before the poor little thing was demoted to dwarf planet status several years ago (as you know). I think it's interesting that the smallest planet now is the one closest to the sun, whereas it used to be the farthest from the sun!

In response to what you said about the lack of postings in D&A, I think there is more activity lately going on at The Oldie and The Speccie competitions.

I, too, think it would be cool to have a collection of planet poems.
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Unread 05-12-2021, 08:37 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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By the way, Fliss, I think this line

'cos I got rocks an' ridges an' t'ings.

would read better as something like this:

'cos I've rocks an' huge ridges an' t'ings.

That's 'cos it's more natural to accent "rocks" than "got."
Anyway, I love the dialogue and the zippy anapests.
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Unread 05-13-2021, 01:57 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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Thanks very much, Martin; yes, it's interesting about Pluto and 'Merc'.

The Speccie... do you mean The Spectator? My mum used to subscribe to that; I think she just reads the Literary Review nowadays. Recently she had a letter published in the latter, about bad word-breaks. Unfortunately, in the same issue I found 'Fontaineb-leau' :-/

Thanks for your suggestion re. line 8. What do you think of an en dash following 'scrap' and then 'I got rocks an' big ridges an' t'ings'? I'd like to keep 'I got rocks' as it reminds me of 'rocks that I got' (J-Lo). And thanks also for 'zippy' :-)
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