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  #31  
Unread 07-11-2021, 11:52 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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There was an old man at a Station,
Who made a promiscuous oration;
Now there's not just Faux News,
But Faux Weather, to choose
For such foaming-mouthed disinformation.
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  #32  
Unread 07-11-2021, 02:49 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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My mother encourages me in the next attempt:

There was an Old Person of Chili.
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
He struck a long match
Rather close to some thatch,
Setting fire to the roof of one Willy.
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  #33  
Unread 07-11-2021, 03:40 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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There was an Old Person of Philae
Whose conduct was scroobius and wily;
Folks asked, “What is ‘scroobius’?
Its meaning is dubious.”
“Why ask if you know?” he said drily.


**

There was an Old Man with a nose
Who said, 'If you choose to suppose
I pilfered this snoot off
A reindeer named Rudolph,
You won’t be surprised that it glows.”

**

There was a Young Lady of Troy
Whom several large flies did annoy;
"They're coming, of course,
From that filthy old horse,
A gift from that jilted Greek boy."

**

There was an Old Person of Ems
Who casually fell in the Thames,
Which is fitting and normal.
One must, though, go formal
When dropping in at the PM's.

Last edited by Roger Slater; 07-11-2021 at 04:06 PM.
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  #34  
Unread 07-12-2021, 03:00 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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I had to try...

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
When I drink my pea soup
I'm quite cloaked in green gloop
And my wife says, "Good God, you look weird!"'

- - -

There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
Fastening left shoe and right
In a knot so damned tight
She could spread her legs just one inch wide.
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  #35  
Unread 07-13-2021, 01:57 PM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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There was an Old Man in a pew,
Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
UV’ed DNA
Fluoresces that way,
So the cops brought him in, PDQ.
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  #36  
Unread 07-13-2021, 03:00 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose,
That I use it to smell,
You are plenty wrong, gal.
For the truth is, I use it to pose."
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  #37  
Unread 07-13-2021, 05:12 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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Fliss, do "smell" and "gal" rhyme in your neck of the woods? They don't in mine. Any number of tweaks possible, such as

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose
That I use it to smell,
You have not chosen well
For the truth is, I use it to pose."


I like your fifth line, but if you want to be raunchier in the great limerick tradition, how about "For I use it to pick and to pose"?
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  #38  
Unread 07-13-2021, 09:27 PM
Coleman Glenn Coleman Glenn is offline
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There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny.
He said, “There’s no shortage
Of coins, per reportage
But I sure as hell can’t find any.”

Last edited by Coleman Glenn; 07-13-2021 at 10:04 PM.
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  #39  
Unread 07-14-2021, 02:58 PM
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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I can't read and I can't write, but that don't really ma'err
because I comes from Gloucestershire and I can drive a trac'err.


Yes, Roger; here in Glos, 'gal' = 'gell'.

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose,
It's my handsomest thing,
Well, you're wrong. Let us sing
Of my fifty-foot hardwearing hose!"

Fliss shrieks and rushes out of her own poem.
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  #40  
Unread 07-14-2021, 04:53 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Hose? Is there some problem with the man's trousers?

John
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