[John Whitworth]

Bazza was our only Earth Moves winner and worthily so. George Simmers got an Hon Mensh. This week's competition offers plenty of scope though less for rhymers. I can't think of anyone except Wendy Cope to parody. What would a parody of the present poet laureate be like?

NO. 2728: After max
In A Christmas Garland, whose centenary falls in 2012, Max Beerbohm used a seasonal theme for his incomparable parodies of the literary lions of his time (James, Conrad, Hardy, Kipling, Shaw, Wells, Bennett...). Today’s big beasts may seem less mighty, but let’s have a parody, with a Christmas connection, of a living British writer with an international reputation. Please email entries to email lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 28 December.
NB For logistical reasons entries must be emailed.

[basil ransome-davies]

'Seem', Madam? Nay, they are.

[John Whitworth]

Too right, sport. Who ARE they, anyway?

[George Simmers]

In his 'Christmas Garland', of course, Max himself did not only parody writers with an international reputation. Maurice Hewlett, anyone? G.S.Street?

[John Whitworth]

The Christmas Wendy

The Christmas colic, the Christmas snuffle,
The Christmas sleet and the Christmas squall,
I cursed it roundly, the whole kerfuffle,
But now I find I don't mind at all.
.
The Christmas Santa, the Christmas reindeer,
The Christmas tree and the Christmas view,
I've tolerated it in the main, dear,
Since I've been able to share with you

The Christmas turkey, the Christmas carol,
The Christmas Slade and the Christmas Bing,
The shop assistants in strange apparel,
The gifts of any old bloody thing,

The Christmas whisky, the Christmas sherry,
The Christmas mirth and the Christmas fuss,
The Christmas frisky, the Christmas merry,
The Christmas birth and the Christmas us.

[basil ransome-davies]

Nice one, John.