Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 01-30-2014, 06:24 AM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
Default Speccie Lonely Hearts by 12th Feb

I have no idea how to do this. I shallcwait, possum-like, to see what you long-headed folk do.

No. 2835: lonely hearts

You are invited to submit a profile for an online dating website for a well-known politician, living or dead (150 words max.) Please email entries to [email] lucy@spectator.co.uk[/email by midday on 12 February. NB. Last week’s challenge, Hard-boiled Blyton, is No. 2634, not 2635.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Unread 01-30-2014, 06:25 AM
Rob Stuart Rob Stuart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 994
Default

SWM (very W!), baronet (and future Prime Minister?), young, energetic, charismatic, ambitious and solvent, WLTM damn fine, unliflinchingly loyal and Aryan filly for friendship (maybe more?) and romantic goose-steps down Cable Street. Married women also considered. Dash it, married women preferred! Must have GSOP (Good Sense Of Prejudice), be prepared to accompany me on fact-finding tours abroad (Italy and Germany) and be able to make first-rate sandwiches for the regular social gatherings/kike-biffing sessions I like to conduct with my friends. Demonstrable skill with laundry is essential; I insist on my shirts being washed blacker than black. BTW, as I am not one for false modesty I can absolutely guarantee to provide you with the most skilled and powerful oratory you have ever experienced. I can also boast some talent at cunnilingus.

(How’s that for quick off the mark?)

Last edited by Rob Stuart; 01-30-2014 at 06:43 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Unread 01-30-2014, 07:11 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 5,391
Default

Sensitive painter seeks muse for inspiration and more. She will have a keen interest in the visual arts, in literature, and in music, and will help me to express the full range of my artistic leanings.

Physically, I am rather short, but friends tell me I have an intense personal magnetism that causes them to forget my lack of height. I am irresistible to women, although unfortunately all my previous lady-friends ended up committing suicide, so I am currently unattached.

My ideal woman will be one who has no objection to being kissed by a man with a small moustache. She may be from a modest background, as I am not in the least snobbish. Indeed, I am a great believer in tolerance for, and kindness towards, my fellow human beings. Of course, this does not include blacks, Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, communists, or other inferior breeds that pollute the world.

(In case you're wondering about any vague similarities, Rob, I wrote this one at 10 a.m., having seen the Spectator website, but had to wait for it to appear here.)

Last edited by Brian Allgar; 01-30-2014 at 07:16 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Unread 01-30-2014, 07:45 AM
Rob Stuart Rob Stuart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 994
Default

I did the same thing, Brian. I'm sure there's room for more than one fascist anyway.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 01-30-2014, 11:05 AM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
Default

OK. I get the picture.

Anti-establishment classical liberal libertarian GSOH smoker with classic profile and considerable commercial experience lately in the City and back in the mists of time somewhere in bongo-bongo land, filthy rich who believes you are as young as you feel WLTM beautiful slut, blonde (17-24) with EBSOH (she will certainly need it) with a view to Frog President type of arrangement Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. No need to clean behind the fridge. I have a fine faithful filly if a little long in the tooth who does that sort of thing to a T Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Your talents will lie in other directions something we could discuss perhaps over a bottle of Chardonnay and a light lunch at a time and place to be arranged in Clubland. No foam-flecked, snarling, balaclava-knitting class warrior with face LTBOAB and a penchant for surfing porn on the net need apply.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 01-30-2014, 11:08 AM
Rob Stuart Rob Stuart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 994
Default

LMFAO @ LTBOAB, John.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Unread 01-30-2014, 11:20 AM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
Default

Oh I do hope you can screw it back in again with your golden navel, Rob.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 02-04-2014, 06:16 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 5,391
Default

Eligible French bachelor researches English dame for the companionship, the entente cordiale, and a little of the nooky from time into time.

I am not speaking very well the English, but I possess one sense of the humour, and I am devoted to the fine eating. There is of the certain persons who say that I abuse too much the last, but this is simply of the bad tongue provoked by the jealousy.

For the instant, I am a man very occupied, by this which running an entire country is not an affair of the most simple, particularly when it is a bordello like the France. I hope, therefore, that you will be capable of you amuse yourself while my absences frequent.

But he is well probable that I shall have much more of time for the leisures after the next elections Presidential.

Last edited by Brian Allgar; 02-04-2014 at 12:52 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Unread 02-04-2014, 12:37 PM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
Default

Nice one, Brian. Here I was hoping the masters would overlook this one.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,399
Total Threads: 21,841
Total Posts: 270,805
There are 1453 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online