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  #1  
Unread 03-14-2019, 07:07 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
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Default Great Balls O' Fire

REV, just for the halibut.

Sublunar Love

We two make one, wed by the sun,
and one when mated by the moon
in full reflection of the sun.

When heaven bears a crescent moon,
a shrunken backboard for the sun,
we’re never partial like that moon.

But we, all three, combine with moon
when sunshine lighting earth and moon
rebounds as earthshine, earth to moon.

S1L1: make one replaces feel one
S3L1: with replaces the


Original

Great Balls O’ Fire

With a nod to Leonardo da Vinci

We two feel one, wed by the sun,
and one when mated by the moon
in full reflection of the sun.

When heaven bears a crescent moon,
a shrunken backboard for the sun,
we’re never partial like that moon.

But we, all three, will soon combine:
sunshine lighting earth and moon
rebounds from earth to moon as earthshine.
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Last edited by RCL; 03-16-2019 at 11:27 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 03-15-2019, 10:28 AM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Hi Ralph,

I like the phrase "a shrunken backboard for the sun," a great deal.

I think the title is doing you no favors, and I'm not sure the epigram is helpful; you might find the phrase "the new Moon with the old Moon in her arm" (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planetshine) useful.

"Earthshine" spoils the meter of the last line irretrievably for me.

The poem as a whole has a metaphysical tone, but I'm not quite catching on what the argument is.

Thanks for the read, and I hope that these comments are some use.

Martin
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Unread 03-15-2019, 12:06 PM
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Thanks for puzzling. It's a misbegotten attempt at a metaphysical poems trope. I say, save a pixel, let it slide into its deserved oblivion!
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Unread 03-15-2019, 01:02 PM
Simon Hunt Simon Hunt is online now
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Goodness, gracious--this shakes my nerves and rattles my brain. I follow its sort of John Donne logic, I think, in the first two stanzas--but I feel utterly lost in the third. Who make up the three, for example?
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Unread 03-15-2019, 01:08 PM
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That's classically funny, Simon! Thanks, I needed that. Since we are ONE, combined with the moon and sun, we are three.
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Unread 03-15-2019, 04:05 PM
Erik Olson Erik Olson is offline
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Ralph,

I enjoy this heartily. No nits, those already emended.

Cheers,
Erik
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Unread 03-15-2019, 08:21 PM
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R. S. Gwynn R. S. Gwynn is offline
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Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

Donne's trope is worth pondering. In the "old astronomy" anything below the sphere of the moon was subject to change, i.e. subject to mutability. He is boasting that he and his lover, though sublunary themselves, are an exception to the rule. He's a master at reversing "received wisdom," a lot of which had been a mainstay of love poetry in the century before him.
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Unread 03-17-2019, 11:13 AM
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Erik, Delighted you find this nit free!

Sam, yes that belief in mind for this one. Thanks for noticing.
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