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Unread 06-23-2020, 05:51 PM
Jayne Osborn's Avatar
Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Hi Maggie,

Thanks for looking in, but it's as I said to Mary about removing 'that' in L8 - all the lines are of nine syllables and I'm reluctant to break the regular pattern. (Yep, I'm a bit OCD/anal on that front! )

Jayne
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Unread 06-29-2020, 08:09 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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Hi Jayne,

I like the personification of the house, especially as it gets more pronounced near the end. And I like the N's feelings about and empathy for the house. I think the double-ended rhyme scheme (I've never tried one of those) is a marvelous feat.

I also enjoy the fact that you consistently use 9 syllables per line, which necessarily makes you have to use anapests, and it gives the tetrameter lines a pleasant lilt, as in Robert Frosts "The Road Not Taken."

This poem reminded me of a poem about a house I wrote many years ago. In fact, I'm going to look through my files and find it, and maybe post it.

Last edited by Martin Elster; 06-30-2020 at 10:55 AM. Reason: corrected a typo
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  #13  
Unread 06-30-2020, 06:51 AM
Jayne Osborn's Avatar
Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Hi Martin,

Thank you! I think my poem mostly 'failed' to begin with, when no one seemed to notice the double-ended rhyme scheme; it's largely responsible for the poem being what & how it is... if you get what I mean.

I'm glad you think it was a marvelous feat
It was tricky, but I enjoyed the challenge.

Thanks again, and I look forward to seeing your poem about a house.

Jayne
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