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  #1  
Unread 02-05-2009, 04:52 AM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
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Default Darwinian Limericks

Here's the latest from the Speccie. I know you'll buckle down.

No. 2584: Rhyme and reason
You are invited to clamber aboard the Darwin bandwagon and submit a limerick to mark the bicentenary of the naturalist’s birth (maximum three entries each). Entries to ‘Competition 2584’ by 19 February or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.
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  #2  
Unread 02-05-2009, 07:02 AM
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Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
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Thanks, John. I've got a doozie for her.
Cathy
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Unread 02-05-2009, 11:31 AM
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Rick Mullin Rick Mullin is offline
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I will ship this:

There once was a ship called the Beagle,
And a sailor who took on an eagle,
And a finch and a tortoise
By which he would sort us
So that not buying-in is illegal.

Last edited by Rick Mullin; 02-05-2009 at 01:46 PM.
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  #4  
Unread 02-05-2009, 11:35 PM
peterjb peterjb is offline
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When Darwin announced that we come
from slime via primates, the thrum
****of episcopal snarls
****was great, but our Charles
just showed his opposable thumb.
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Unread 02-06-2009, 12:56 AM
Philip Quinlan Philip Quinlan is offline
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The [In]De[s]cent of Men

Like testicles, we have descended
From apes, though we've never pretended
To be better than they:
Scratch our balls night and day,
Belch and fart, and have bellies distended.

Last edited by Philip Quinlan; 02-06-2009 at 01:29 AM.
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Unread 02-06-2009, 01:31 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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The Monkey at Kew

The monkey that lived in a zoo
said now I'll be welcome at Kew--
as I'm pleased to discover
the keeper's my brother,
and an old, old Book writ anew.

Last edited by Jim Hayes; 02-06-2009 at 03:25 PM.
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Unread 02-06-2009, 06:34 PM
Janet Kenny Janet Kenny is offline
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The church er apologises a bit

We ‘re sorry the church got it wrong.
Your thesis is cogent and strong.
And while it was fun
to imagine the sun
went around us we’ve altered our song.


Rat Race

Charles Darwin said adaptability
combined with aggressive fertility
was what was required
if we really aspired
to succeed with great speed and agility.

Last edited by Janet Kenny; 02-06-2009 at 07:03 PM.
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Unread 02-07-2009, 12:37 AM
E. Shaun Russell E. Shaun Russell is offline
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An era of pious hysteria
Was thwarted by Darwin's criteria;
The question was solved:
We all evolved!
But then again, so did bacteria.
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Unread 02-07-2009, 08:22 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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Deleted by poet.

Last edited by Martin Elster; 02-11-2009 at 06:26 PM.
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  #10  
Unread 02-07-2009, 10:18 PM
Philip Quinlan Philip Quinlan is offline
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As diverse as the things are in nature,
surely man has superior stature?
We were made in God's image
and won in life's scrimmage
through fitness, so "here's looking at yer!"

But selection has now gone awry,
for we don't allow no-marks to die:
we let ugly folks wed,
fools have children instead,
to offend the intelligent eye.

I decline to propose a solution
to this failure of evolution,
for eugenics is rotten,
and rightly forgotten:
it contravenes the constitution.

But the problem here seems to revolve
around whether we will still evolve,
to be fit for dominion.
My humble opinion
is: that one's a tough one to solve.

For beauty is not always best
(as the warthog would surely attest),
and the truth must be faced:
who'd collect all our waste?
if we just kept the few brainiest...

We also, of course, need (apparently):

Traffic wardens
Rodent operatives
Cowboy plumbers who say "it's going to cost you..."
Politicians
Bankers (I said bankers)
Telephone operators who say "putting you through" but then don't
Call centre staff whose linguistic skills are limited to a smattering of Farsi
Lawyers who charge £60 to write a two line letter on our behalf
Etc etc

Last edited by Philip Quinlan; 02-07-2009 at 10:46 PM.
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