[John Whitworth]

This is a nice one. Lots of stuff about Iran and the Argies (who have a Pope) eh?

No. 2791: another country

You are invited to submit a poem in praise of a country other than the United Kingdom (16 lines max.). Please email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 27 March.

[Orwn Acra]

Because nothing is funnier than dismissing an entire culture and people:

Macau! Macau! Macau! Macau!
I've never heard of you 'til now.
Your heraldry contains a star;
I know not where or what you are.

I loved it when you did that thing.
You have a president or king,
I guess. A notable event was when--
What country is this on again?

Macaw? Macaw? Macaw? Macaw?
That's a bird from South America
which might be near that place, or not.
Montenegro? I forgot.

[John Whitworth]

Ah no, Orwn, you done me wrong. I was suggesting that people put aside their prejudices and write genial verses. I think that is what Lucy has in mind too. Like this:

Australian Anthem

Australia, Australia,
Where mates'll never fail yer,
Where every peach on Bondi Beach
Is gorgeous as a dahlia.

Australia, Australia,
We mention inter alia,
Our bonza Queen – know who I mean –
In all her posh regalia.

Australia, Australia,
God grant me glossolalia
To give three cheers for Foster's beers,
Eternal Bacchanalia!

Australia, Australia,
Let every poet hail yer
And write in praise of Aussie ways
Cos if you don't, we'll jail yer.

[Jerome Betts]

Worth a quite a few shrimps on the barbie I'd say, John.

Hello there, San Marino
In the limestone Appennino!
Although titchy and not coastal
With an income partly postal
Who wouldn’t cross much water
To consume your famous Torta?

[Brian Allgar]

I know a country where the weather’s sunny
And I can float three feet above the ground
Or glide above the rooftops, though it’s funny
That sometimes, flying high, I’ve nearly drowned.

I meet old friends I haven’t seen for ages;
I thought they’d died, but clearly I was wrong.
“You must have read the wrong obituary pages”,
They gaily cry, “We’ve been here all along!”

Not all events are equally appealing -
Someone may kill me, but it doesn’t last.
It’s wonderful, the power of instant healing;
A bullet in the heart dissolves quite fast.

While sex with Marilyn Monroe’s terrific,
It ends too soon. And if you think it odd
That I should have a girl so beatific,
It’s all quite normal, in the Land of Nod.

[Orwn Acra]

My tongue is firmly in cheek. My second favorite country is Africa.

[John Whitworth]

I like your Macau verse Orwn. I'm sure there was a Hollywood film set in Macau. Macao?

America: a 1950s Anthem

America! The New Found Land:
Blest home of horror comics,
Crewcuts, cartoons, Bill Haley's band,
Divorce and economics.

Americans! You have it all,
Like fridges and TVs,
Americans chew gum, walk tall,
Shoot guns and shoot the breeze.

God bless America! God bless
The land of milk and money.
Particularly bless Success –
The chutzpah of Bugs Bunny.

Britain is sick and almost dead.
We cannot make the grade.
A Red lurks underneath each bed.
We need your Marshal Aid.

[Jerome Betts]

The Netherlands! The Netherlands!
Much more than just wet weatherlands,
Domain of windmills, dunes and dykes,
Cows, wooden shoes, canals and bikes!
Forget the fact they're far too breezy,
Their welcome’s warm, if rather cheesy.

O for that cosy café bruin
Now brown with paint, not nicotine,
I’ll plod my way towards through the murk
For some big savoury pannnenkoek !
Let's all, like other polder-strollers,
Applaud those clever sea-controllers !
(Or rendezvous at S. de Sola’s?).

Come tulip-time I’ll up and look
For North Sea ferries (Harwich-Hook)
Reflecting, as I buy my ticket,
Some burghers now are playing cricket !

[Roger Slater]

Argentina, you're the finest
country I have known.
Your gauchos rock! You have a pope,
and more than one Peron.

I love the British most of all,
yet I'd say las Malvinas,
when everything is said and done,
are really Argentina's.

[Susan d.S.]

Haha! Jerome, Spherians are welcome to visit, and assured a cheesy welcome.

Roger, Argentina also has (as of April 30) a Dutch Queen, when Princess Maxima (nee Zorreguieta) becomes Queen Maxima of the Netherlands.