Competition: Jingle
Competition: Mr Jingle
SATURDAY, 30TH OCTOBER 2010
Lucy Vickery presents this week's competition
In Competition No. 2670 you were invited to catapult Mr Jingle into the 21st century and have him deliver an anecdote.
Alfred Jingle, the lean, green-coated stranger, makes his first appearance in Chapter Two of The Pickwick Papers and immediately steals the show with his lengthened string of ...broken sentences, delivered with extraordinary volubility... You captured him at his exhilarating and life-enhancing best, having him expound on, among much else, the joys of modern travel, the political and economic landscape, and the hell of out-of-town superstores (exhausted very.) As one competitor wrote: Hoorah for Mr Jingle! Does any other character come zinging so instantly off the page? John OByrne, Susan Therkelsen and Adrian Fry impressed, but didnt quite make it into my top five, who are printed below and rewarded with £30 apiece. Top of the form overall is Basil Ransome-Davies, who gets the bonus fiver.
Mr Jingle settled to delivering his tale in accents of benign discovery. Novelty of it bank provides hole in wall stick ticket in, get money out going on all day queuing up, pressing buttons, nothing to it fellow told me all a Japanese invention cant answer for that, but ingenious, yes quick, automatic, no-nonsense receipt if you wish but thing is, must have ticket involves folderol, signatures perish thought banks heartless, inquiring creatures shudder to think however, watching and waiting noticed some customers distracted, forgetful take back ticket, leave money in slot oh careless people opportunity not to be disregarded omnium contra omnes why should not Jingle benefit? missed chances frequent cause of regret legerdemain no hue and cry repaired to chop house no disputing money aids digestion cabinet pudding port satisfaction of purse and belly all-round benevolence highly improving stops a fellow getting selfish.
Basil Ransome-Davies
Much travelling, sir? Enjoy flying? Up here, above the clouds, comfortable, very. Not convinced? Try a coach and horses to Ipswich, outside seat. Hundreds of flights, myself escaping from creditors, pressing elopements, frequently coincidence, all heiresses avoiding their relatives. Alfred Jingle, at your service actor not know me? walk-on parts, several rave notices fighting off the ladies even at airport. One occasion, security check removed belt, no braces went through arch contraption triggered alarm Jingle and bells, no surprise ha! ha! body search hands up AJ thin, as a rake pants generously cut gravity chap, Newton, spot on around ankles sensational entrance full house admiring glances, lots. Glass of wine, steward, red. No charge? In that case, one for my friend. Five hours to go, sir? Other stories time for them all example, catchy tunes for advertisements named after me.
Derek Morgan
Few years ago tragic tale Mister Dickens, novelist, prolific sitting at pc trying to finish Drood film rights no inspiration reads emails spam, prolific all urge to buy Viagra insist Mr Dickens needful of Viagra insulted, greatly computer flung from window struck fat boy below obese, very national problem Mister Jamie Oliver social engineering useless fat rascal not fast enough dodger not very artful battered claiming compensation computer smashed on pavement parts radio-active mildly Dickens arrested charged pollution of environment endangering ozone litter fly-tipping common assault Old Bailey guilty four years Belmarsh, not Marshalsea cellmate another writer Milord Archer reads own novels to Dickens wants to give him a few tips two pages quite enough, sir! Dickens hangs self Drood never finished shocking, shocking!
Brian Murdoch
Most kind of you, sir ice, no lemon lemon neutralises the tonic medicinal benefit lost a fact too little known, sir cousin has quinine farm foothills of Himalayas went over last year magnificent setting Everest a challenge Sherpa guide, Seng-
Tzin human ox forearms like oak beams formidable woman tossed me over a crevasse as if putting the shot weather harsh cold very eyeballs frozen over sneezes shrapnel test of endurance not found wanting descended via glacier base melting convinced me of global
warming, sir sheer cascade down valley Seng-Tzin lost footing over the edge down like sack of logs never a cry swept off by torrent gone vanished body probably still bobbing down Ganges somewhere distressing, very memories well up I shall not say no, sir same again, if I may must support family business!
W.J. Webster
Arrived here suddenly surprised very. Confused to begin with naturally. But now quite at home all arrangements admirable. Poor laws in particular capital, sir framed with me in mind assuredly. Your politicians splendid men. That prime minister you had not the Scotsman miserable fellow, dour no, other one kindred spirits him and I. Wonderful thing, persuasion, sir past master inspired no end of confidence key to everything once you gain mens confidence nothing they wont do for you, nowhere they wont go. Reminds me go appointment, sir talents opening financial venture Nigeria. Only problem capital bill should do it year or two ago need not have troubled you but trust me copper-bottomed cant go wrong. You will not regret it, sir.
J.R. Johnson
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