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  #11  
Unread 10-09-2019, 09:05 AM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John Isbell View Post
Hmm. Susan, FWIW, there's also an anthologized modern English-language poem where the N undresses layer by layer ending with them as skeleton draping their flesh over a chair. I'd thought it was called "Striptease" but I'm afraid I can't turn it up. The image certainly stuck with me.

Cheers,
John
Funny you should mention that, John, I thought of the same thing and also can't remember where I saw it.
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  #12  
Unread 10-09-2019, 10:35 AM
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Rick Mullin Rick Mullin is offline
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Really good. The dismantling of the face, one physical piece at a time, is a chilling image in this age of artificial intelligence and digitalization and general erasure.
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  #13  
Unread 10-09-2019, 12:37 PM
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Mary Meriam Mary Meriam is offline
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I just love it, Susan, including the title. Nary a nit from Mary.
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  #14  
Unread 10-09-2019, 12:54 PM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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A beauty. Identity is such an easy thing to lose under certain circumstances and, as you argue, impossible to regain as it was before. It is a well of pondering you've imagined here. It has the feel of a psychosis but remains grounded in logic.

I don't know if I like "Dislocated" or "Invisible" better as a title. They're both so good. As is the rest of the poem. I'm thinking through the possibility that the speaker in the poem and the poem itself are one in the same... I love that possibility.
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Last edited by Jim Moonan; 10-09-2019 at 07:52 PM.
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  #15  
Unread 10-10-2019, 12:09 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is online now
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I'm glad to see that most people think this works. I'll address a few of the comments and suggestions.

John, I've seen Face-Off too, but that is just fantasy. Though some people do have cosmetic surgery and it does sometimes involve lifting the skin to make changes below, I thought that the dramatic removals being mentioned made it clear that I am speaking metaphorically about removing the face. I know that Plath's "Lady Lazarus" discusses removing her bandages as a kind of striptease, but I can't place the poem you mention.

Andrew, "taking off" had the right rhythm for the line and suggested removing clothing. I can't think of a good substitute.

Mark, though "nobody" is a dactyl, when it is placed in an iambic line, the last syllable is perceived as carrying the stress if it is followed by a normally unstressed word. I don't think of people as wearing name tags, so "peeling off" doesn't seem quite right. But a name is a part of a person that is not essential, so the person is still a person, even without a name. I too was thinking of The Guess Who's song when I chose the word "undone," but it has a lot of other overtones that I thought fit the poem.

Jim, I like both titles, too, so I am having trouble deciding which fits best.

Susan
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  #16  
Unread 10-10-2019, 12:23 AM
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Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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You can title it what you want, but I'm going to think of this as "Anonymous."

Otherwise perfect.

I see it as sort of a loose equivalent to deciding that a nightmare about falling is going to become a dream about flying.
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  #17  
Unread 10-10-2019, 02:45 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Hi Susan,

Anonymous does make rather a nice title, as Julie indicates.

Cheers,
John
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  #18  
Unread 10-10-2019, 04:32 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is online now
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John and Julie, "Anonymous" is an accurate title. It reflects the second stanza, as "Invisible" reflects the first. The other factor I consider in picking the title is the amount of draw it has for a potential reader. Of the three titles, I think "Dislocated" may actually have the most pull, because it is less common and used in an unusual way. But I am still pondering.

Susan
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  #19  
Unread 10-10-2019, 06:29 AM
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R. Nemo Hill R. Nemo Hill is offline
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Yes, definitely, I like Dislocated.

Nemo
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