Ha, Jim- I was wondering if The Dead would come up. After this was just about in its present state, I had that realization, which led me, in
panic, to reread the last bits of it. In short, I think this is doing something very different, thank christ, and I don't mind at all if there's a little Joyce in there. His fiction is some of the best poetry ever written, imo. And, I knew
that song, Jim, but couldn't remember how it went. So, looking it up, I stumbled on this, which I think is pretty cool.
Thank you, Rick. A lot better than I don't have much to add- this sucks.
Matt, thanks, as usual, for your eye on detail. The first line worries me more than the other part you mentioned. It might be a little unnecessary in that I could be more economical about it, but I like how season in her sleep etc reads, at the moment. I still want to keep the first line, too, but I'm still thinking about that. An em dash might work better there, but I lean on em dashes too much (they are wonderful though). And I want her living past death to be immediately connected to his heart stopped. But, as I mentioned to Rob, the confusion might not be worth it.