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  #91  
Unread 04-14-2007, 12:25 AM
Lee Harlin Bahan Lee Harlin Bahan is offline
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Location: Freetown, IN, USA
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Editing in to add some stinkers that arrived during the wee* hours.

"See How They Run...."

In India, the Beatles, for fun,
shagged a Sister who'd said, "Everyone,
I'll be your groupie
for only a rupee
and you'll be the Band on the Nun."

Bad Grammar

When Sister Joan died Father Gunn
tried buggering a steer, and when done,
though he fit in it loosely,
thanked the LORD quite profusely
that it took the place of a nun.

Speaking of that end of a bovine, how about

They Cashed in Their Chips near Compostela

Three priests, two fat friars, and one
ancient abbess found their journey done
when attacked by a beast
that quipped of the feast,
"I'll bet that I can't eat just nun!"

Later, on the Same Road

En route from Limoges where she’d done
some chamber pot shopping, Sor Jeanne
met a beast who ate porcelain
but of her not a morsel, then
muttered, "Two heads are better than nun.”

Even Later, at a Convent down the Road

When told both her night jars were missin’
Reverend Mother growled, spittin’ and hissin’,
“Vowing poverty’s one thing
but it is disgusting
not to possess one to piss* in.”

from Nun of the Above: a Novel Idea

"And in the end...."

Thanks, Mr. Creagan, this nexus
of nun lore shows they are not sexless.
Nor did I know nuns
lubed their twats or their buns,
and I thought Albolene was in Texas.

Bob, I'm waiting for the Sor(e) Juana limerick.

Cheers,
Lee

And a coda in execrable taste:

Wanted Poster

Law enforcement is looking for one
who breaks into convents for fun,
who, after he's kissed her,
kills the good sister--
a criminal sine qua nun.



[This message has been edited by Lee Harlin Bahan (edited April 15, 2007).]
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  #92  
Unread 04-30-2007, 07:42 AM
John Callaghan John Callaghan is offline
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Location: Lancashire, England
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A postulant born an Australian
was not a placental mammalian;
I can truthfully vouch
I once hid in her pouch,
though I'm an epi scop alian.
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  #93  
Unread 04-30-2007, 04:06 PM
Janet Kenny Janet Kenny is offline
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Location: Queensland, (was Sydney) Australia
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A postulant born an Australian
was not a placental mammalian;
I can truthfully vouch
I once hid in her pouch,
though I'm an epi scop alian.


She sighed: "Being born in Australia
has made my devotions a failure.
I'm strange and uncouth
and that Anglican youth
said say 'yes' or I'll see that they jail yer."

[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited April 30, 2007).]
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  #94  
Unread 05-01-2007, 12:32 PM
John Callaghan John Callaghan is offline
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Location: Lancashire, England
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A postulant born an Australian
was not a placental mammalian;
I can truthfully vouch
I once hid in her pouch,
though I am an epi scop alian.

She sighed: "Being born in Australia
has made my devotions a failure.
I'm strange and uncouth
and that Anglican youth
said say 'yes' or I'll see that they jail yer."


And so our young antipodean
never made nun, stayed plebeian;
she had feared a disease
if she'd squeezed in RCs
so, conflicted, became Manichaean.
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  #95  
Unread 05-02-2007, 01:05 PM
Jerry Glenn Hartwig Jerry Glenn Hartwig is offline
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Location: Fairfield, Ohio
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Another title suggestion:

The Book of Anunymous Limericks

Based on the assumption that no one would their name credited to any of these for fear of censure (or censors, excommunication, or divinely sourced lightning bolts.
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  #96  
Unread 05-03-2007, 04:51 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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Location: New York
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Sor Juana said, "Here's my confession.
The Lord's really not my obsession.
...What made me decide
...to be the Lord's bride
was a limited choice of profession."


[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited May 03, 2007).]
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  #97  
Unread 05-11-2007, 09:52 PM
Frank Hubeny's Avatar
Frank Hubeny Frank Hubeny is offline
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Location: Illinois, USA
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Quote:
Originally posted by Roger Slater:
While digging in Nazerene ground,
a nun paused in horror and frowned:
... “My goodness, I fear
... there’s no Easter this year:
the body of Christ has been found!”
Don't worry, dear Sister. We'll say
They can't prove it was Jesus, and they
Will get smeared with wet shit.
Sniff the fragrance of it
While you kneel, like a good girl, and pray.
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  #98  
Unread 05-12-2007, 03:29 PM
Mary Moore's Avatar
Mary Moore Mary Moore is offline
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Location: Gladwyne, PA, U.S.A.
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A young nun composed terrible verse,
her revisions not better, but worse.
Said a priest, “It is clear
that the Devil is here,
for you have, not a gift, but a curse.”
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