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Old 08-16-2017, 07:51 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ellan Vannin
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Originally Posted by Michael Cantor View Post
I'm not following your punctuation comments, David. Are you sure it's line 11 and 12?
Still looks that way to me, Michael. Or am I being extraordinarily thick? Here are what I think are the offending lines ...

it flies around each window. spies and pries,
and signals itís arrival with that moan.

I could well have a major D'oh! moment coming up.


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Old 08-16-2017, 08:28 AM
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Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Canada and Uruguay
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Just read this morning. Gave me such a good laugh (badly needed!). Classic Cantor! That growing exasperation, the perfect use of the word "drone" and, of course, the double entendre. Change the period after the word window in S4 to a comma, and you have a keeper! Audiences will love this one Michael.
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Old 08-16-2017, 08:48 AM
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Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old South Wales (UK)
Posts: 3,636

Yes - full stop to comma after "window" and sort the rogue apostrophe in the line below. Then, and only then, can you have a cup of tea and a biscuit.
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Old 08-16-2017, 10:47 AM
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
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It pains me to say it, but I'm almost liking this. It's a good audience piece. Especially if read with panache. It's sharp enough now to please even the jaded cocktail crowd of the 21st century.
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Old 08-16-2017, 06:19 PM
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John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
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Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,590

I like it too. I have nothing to add.
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