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  #11  
Unread 08-24-2019, 06:03 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Hi Susan,

I've arrived just now in your fruitful discussion with Julie and reading the German, it seems to me that you've got it now in your English page. I like the tilt of the brow, and I like hands later. I like Coming capitalized, I see it as the Second Coming, which if you exist outside time has a different appearance. The only nuance I regret losing in the English is the series of subjunctives at the end, which are rather lovely, but which English won't allow for, that I can see.

Cheers,
John
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  #12  
Unread 08-24-2019, 10:06 PM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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John, I have tried rewording the English to get the subjunctives back in, though to do so I had to use "lest," a word I usually avoid because of its old-fashioned flavor. Let me know whether you think the new ending is an improvement or not. I appreciate your other comments on the changes I had made.

Susan
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  #13  
Unread 08-24-2019, 10:23 PM
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Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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"Might" sounds more modern than "lest" or "should." "Or they might come to you," etc.
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  #14  
Unread 08-25-2019, 12:12 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Aha! Ask, and it shall be given. Susan, I agree with your reservations about lest, nice as it is, and think judicious use of might, per Julie, may be the way to go.

Cheers,
John
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  #15  
Unread 08-25-2019, 07:46 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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Julie and John,
I have removed "lest" and changed "should" to "might." Thanks.

Susan
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