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Old 09-14-2017, 01:10 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: *
Posts: 1,215

This is great Max, though really don't know what I should come away with. "blinding each a little differently" slaps the wonderful button pretty hard, for me. And the title's image works so well. I think I get tripped on tick to the end of that stanza. I might get my legs on the poem if I knew what that meant. Still, enjoyed. Smooth movement image to emotion. Beautiful.

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Old 09-14-2017, 05:10 PM
Max Goodman Max Goodman is offline
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 1,166

Thank you, David, Ralph, Erik, Andrew, Aaron, and James, for reading this and sharing your thoughts.

Several of you touch on my main reason for seeking reactions, that the poem is difficult to understand. I'm heartened that that doesn't seem to put much distance between the poem and most of you who have responded.

Erik and Andrew, I've found a different way to refer to Junior.

Aaron, I've replaced "vacant" with something that maybe modifies the image.
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