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  #31  
Unread 07-08-2019, 11:37 PM
Lee Meadow Lee Meadow is offline
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LOL very clever use of limerick to compose your verses. First time I've seen it done successfully actually.

Compositionally I'm not sure every single verse completely conforms to the form but I am so willing to forgive that in light of the fact that you have successfully composed a long limerick with the payoff from the first rhyme in the last one.

And I'm not inclined to view his attempt to engage with a pretty girl as sexual harassment - even if he goes directly (in reverse) to asking for a kiss with no introduction. Hey if you don't ask you don't get, and for me the harassment comes in tone, intent and not stopping (i.e. all three factors have to be present). And this young lady seems quite capable of looking after herself in this situation. And given the nature of her response, perhaps is his soul mate after all if only he tried a slightly different approach.

Do I need to go through and check your syllable count? The rest of the poem displays a competence that tells me I'd be wasting my time and that you have it covered.

Thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed this.

PS - now that I have read the rest of the responses - a limerick is supposed to be slightly rude, and as such this could have been so much worse than just asking for a kiss. It was clever, far more difficult to pull off than the light tone suggests, and very amusing.

Last edited by Lee Meadow; 07-08-2019 at 11:44 PM.
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  #32  
Unread 07-09-2019, 05:48 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Thank you very much for your kind words L . Meadow I m glad you enjoyed .Please have a good time here.

Martin , great hearing from you, and thank you for your suggestions.
Mark S has been very contributory as has Jayne and most of their suggestions have been incorporated in the rewrite above, but I want to thank everyone who responded, all were welcome, including the contrarian.

Again, many thanks all

Jim
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  #33  
Unread 07-09-2019, 10:48 AM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Jim,
nicely improved. You have a new typo in S4L: parctised
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  #34  
Unread 07-09-2019, 02:56 PM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Thank you Martin, well spotted!
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  #35  
Unread 07-09-2019, 05:45 PM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L. Meadow View Post
LOL very clever use of limerick to compose your verses. First time I've seen it done successfully actually. ...Compositionally I'm not sure every single verse completely conforms to the form
Hi L,
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but I thought someone ought to... Jim's poem is not in limerick form at all. The meter is vaguely similar, and the fact that it starts with "There was a young man...", but that's all; a limerick is composed of five lines, not couplets, and with a very distinct meter (or metre, as we write it in the UK).

But I'm delighted that you enjoyed the poem, and I'm wondering if you're another female and viewed it in the same way that I did. It's intriguing that no other ladies have commented so far. (Are we permitted to know your first name?)

Sorry for the distraction from your poem, Jim, but I felt the need!

Jayne
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  #36  
Unread 07-10-2019, 12:54 AM
Lee Meadow Lee Meadow is offline
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It most definitely follows the form of a limerick even without the last line. Perhaps the poet would like to weigh in on whether or not he used the form of a limerick or not. I'm fairly sure he did.

And seeing as limericks are not long poems, and this is, no it is not a limerick, but it most definitely follows the design philosophy of one.

And yes I am female, first name Lee, and yes we both saw it as humorous. I laughed out loud, and trust me I'm pretty easily triggered by random and egregious examples of casual sexual harassment and sure I can see how someone could kind of see it that way - but golly gosh sometimes something is just funny, because it is human, and awkward and relatable. I most certainly don't recite my sentences in reverse but I can relate to feeling awkward in social situations and saying the wrong thing.
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  #37  
Unread 07-10-2019, 02:50 AM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Well, Lee, your insistence on contradicting me came as a surprise.

Perhaps the poet would like to weigh in on whether or not he used the form of a limerick or not. I'm fairly sure he did.

I interpret that sentence as: "Never mind what you say... I think I'm right and you're wrong, so I'd prefer to see what the poet says."

But then you contradict yourself: And seeing as limericks are not long poems, and this is, no it is not a limerick...

The ''design philosophy" of a limerick is indeed wit, humour and a certain risqué-ness, all of which is there in Jim's poem, and that can be said of many forms - but the main feature of a limerick is its rhyme scheme and the number of syllables in each of its five lines; it's probably the most easily recognisable form of poetry that exists!

Jim,
The revision is great. I'm happy to have helped.

Jayne
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  #38  
Unread 07-10-2019, 04:34 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Hello Lee, may I call you that?
I’m afraid I have to side with Jayne. This isn’t a Limerick. The Limerick is a five line stanza with a rhyme scheme aa/bb/a. It lends itself to mostly humorous applications and risqué.
Lear is a well known practitioner and you could google some of his examples although he had a habit of repeating the first line at the finish. But I’m glad you enjoyed this and I’m sure you’ll feel very welcome.

Thanks much Jayne, your contribution and Mark’s were very thoughtful but all suggestions were welcome. You were a great help.

Jim
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  #39  
Unread 07-10-2019, 05:07 AM
Lee Meadow Lee Meadow is offline
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If this wasn't a riff on the limerick form then the poet did a darn good job of creating a long form based on it without referring to it.

Last edited by Lee Meadow; 07-10-2019 at 06:00 AM.
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  #40  
Unread 07-10-2019, 01:09 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Lee,
I am afraid that you need to educate yourself a bit. Jayne and Jim are right. The only thing that makes this resemble a limerick is the phrase "There was a young man".

Best wishes,
Martin

p.s.

A certain young man read a poem.
"It's a limerick!" he cried, "I know 'em!"
Told he was mistaken,
his faith was unshaken,
"I'll just write one myself and show 'em!"
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