[Michael Creagan]

Limericks For Nuns
Be a nun, get none.

Albolene is the brand name for a make-up remover which leads a quasi-secret life as a prized sexual lubricant


A sweet girl named Jill in Nantucket,
sometimes walked down the hill with her bucket,
not to fetch some fresh water,
nor to do what you thought, Sir,
but to find her guitar, and to pluck it.

The nuns of The Holy Conception
were the young priest’s unholy obsession.
He’d say: Take off your habits,
and let’s screw like rabbits.
In the morning, I’ll hear your confession.

A beautiful sister named Jean
found the rules of the convent obscene--
Lights out at seven,
candles out at eleven--
but thanked God for her dear Albolene.

An Old Priest From New Jersey Addresses His Lover, Mother Superior

I know you’ve been craving affection.
During Lent, I can’t have an erection,
but I’ll take some Levitra,
and we’ll celebrate, Easter,
the good Lord’s, and my dick’s, resurrection.

[Mary Moore]

Nun Fun

There was once a young nun from Biloxi
who was known to have plenty of moxie.
She explored a chat room,
found a suitable groom,
and arranged to be married by proxy.

Mary E. Moore

[Roger Slater]

Paradise Lost

"I swear I won't speak, starting now."
So went the pious nun's vow.
... But she couldn't know
... I'd then step on her toe
and she would be damned to say "Ow!"

[Frank Hubeny]

A nice nun told her student they ought
To be careful or they might get caught.
Still he took her that day
When she let herself stray
All the way from the way she was taught.

[Rose Kelleher]

A Carmelite nun in a cloister
got drunk and proceeded to roister.
Monsignor O'Shea
came to visit that day
and he opened her up like an oyster.

[Marybeth Rua-Larsen]

a true story!

The pious and young Sister Liz
let down her hair after church-biz.
She met Father Bob;
they soon left their jobs;
Post-wedding, she called herself Ms.

[grasshopper]

Disguising herself as a monk,
a frisky young nun did a bunk.
As the belle of the abbey
her behaviour was shabby,
but my last rhyme is not what you thunk.

Regards, Maz

[Marion Shore]

When a priest taught a nun carnal joys,
she talked marriage. But he raised his voice:
"Though with sin I am rife,
still the Church is my wife.
Besides, I prefer altar boys."

[Marion Shore]

Once a nun and a priest from Koblenz
went to bed, though her guilt was immense.
But he said, "Have no fear.
Though I've known you, my dear,
it's 'known' in the biblical sense."

[Michael Cantor]

A horny old nun, for a fixer,
picked up a dumb drunk at a mixer:
after sex that was rabid,
she redonned her habit -
"Oy gevalt," he exploded - "a shiksa!"

[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited March 15, 2007).]