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Old 12-14-2017, 11:56 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 2,400

Hi John,

I enjoyed this vignette. I take it that forgetting where his ghost was to end up is a problem. I'm not completely sure. The opening line tells us that he had worked to settle his ghost, and felt satisfied he had been successful, which might suggest it was a done deal. So I'm not sure if he needs to remember at the point of death for the process to be successful, or if he just forgets but it doesn't really matter, though he's trying to remember, because he's already fully prepared for death having settled his ghost. In the latter he is dying, ceasing to function, but secure in the knowledge his ghost will be settled. The former, I guess, is more unsettling for him. His ghost may not rest.

I notice you use ellipses, which are used to indicate that words are missing from the text, but none are. I'd say you do better with an em-dash:

he realized he could not remember on his life
from which of his books he chose the place
to house his ghost -- or be sure it was a book.



Last edited by Matt Q; 12-14-2017 at 01:05 PM.
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Old 12-14-2017, 01:00 PM
John Riley John Riley is online now
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 3,630


What you say about it not being necessary for him to remember where his ghost is since it's settled earlier is an example of why I like posting poems. That is so true and it should have been noticed earlier. I'll have to think about it and hope thinking brings a way to make it better.

Thanks for the em-dash note as well.

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