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Unread 11-24-2011, 09:46 AM
Lance Levens Lance Levens is offline
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Location: Savannah, GA 31405
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Default DISC: An exemplary piece of translation workshopping: Jean de la Ceppede

Lance and I thought that the rich and varied discussion in this thread would make a nice exemplum. New arrivals at translation might find it of interest as a sample of how things work here. There's an infinity of ways a thread can develop, of course, and this one is unusual in generating new versions, but it shows a lot of our best qualities as a forum.

Jean de la Ceppede

Rev. #4

The conquering monarch has his blazonry
of red, as is his due; this conquering king
wears these soldiers' mantle, rendering
a glorious prince, enobled by mockery.

O purple, may you so enfold my head
that as your meaning soaks me through and through,
a thousand tears pour forth that will imbue
these Carmelites with streams of tearful red.

Your bloody hue shows our iniquity
born by this Lamb the Father hither led .
This Christ who wears you bears our penalty.

O Christ! O Holy Lamb! Conceal my red
sins (twigs that stoke the fires of eternity)
in the folds of this mantle where your flesh has bled


Rev. #3

The conquering monarch has his blazonry
of red, as is his due; this conquering king
these soldiers buffoon in a mantle, rendering
a glorious prince, enobled by mockery.

O purple, may you so enfold my head
that as your meaning soaks me through and through,
a thousand tears pour forth that will imbue
these Carmelites with streams of tearful red.

Your bloody hue shows the iniquity
this Lamb bears from our Father at our origin.
This Christ who wears you bears our penalty.

O Christ! O Holy Lamb! Hide my red sin
(the branched abyss that marks my heraldry)
in this bloody mantle that has become your skin


Rev. # 2

The conquering monarch has his blazonry
of red, as is his due; this conquering king
wears a coat the soldiers mock, fashioning
a glorious prince--because of such mockery.

O purple, may you so enfold my head
that as your meaning soaks me through and through,
a thousand tears pour forth that will imbue
these Carmelites with streams of tearful red.

Your bloody hue reveals our iniquity
the Father has attached to this Lamb’s side:
This Christ who wears you bears our penalty.

O Christ! O Holy Lamb! I beg you, hide
my red sins (branched abyss that speaks to me)
in this bloody coat that has become your side.



Rev. #1

The monarch’s conquest shows as evidence
a crimson coat of arms. This conquering king
is dressed by weaponed mockers in a covering
that marks him as both glorious and prince.

O purple, may you so enfold my head
that as your meaning soaks me through and through,
a thousand tears pour forth that will imbue
these Carmelites with streams of tearful red.

Your bloody hues show our iniquity
as you lie across this Lamb the Father chose:
And this Christ who bears you bears our penalty.

O Christ! O Holy Lamb! I beg you, enclose
my crimson sins (branched abyss of heraldry)
within your bloody cloak, your enfleshed repose.


Original

Conquering monarchs vaunt as evidence
a coat of arms that’s red; this conquering king
is mantled by his mockery--a just thing,
it tells the world that he’s a glorious prince.

O purple, with your precious law enfold
my head and summon myriads of tears
to bathe these Carmelites with my ancestors’ years
as I take in the mysteries you hold.

Sin, our sin, colors you in bloody writ,
lines on the Lamb’s back, lines the Father made.
Thus, Christ is charged with crimes that we commit.

O Christ! O Holy Lamb! May my sins be laid
(a branched abyss) where they are never fit:
within your mantle, flesh that we have flayed.

******************************************


The red coat of arms befits a conquering monarch.
This victorious king is clothed appropriately
in a mockish coat of arms,
a mantle that makes him a prince and glorious.

O purple, enfold my head with your precious law
and bid it give forth a thousand tears,
so that as I meditate on your mysterious meaning
I bathe these Carmelites in tears of my own blood line.

Your bloody color figures our sins
the Father fixed to the back of the Lamb
and Christ bearing them is charged with our crimes.

O Christ! O Holy Lamb! deign to hide
all my red sins ( a branched abyss)
in the bloody folds of your robe of flesh




****************************************

Aux monarques vainqueurs la rouge cotte d'armes
Appartient justement. Ce roi victorieux
Est justement vêtu par ces moqueurs gens d'armes
D'un manteau, qui le marque et prince, et glorieux.

Ô pourpre, emplis mon test, de ton jus précieux
Et lui fais distiller mille pourprines larmes,
À tant que méditant ton sens mystérieux,
Du sang trait de mes yeux j'ensanglante ces carmes.

Ta sanglante couleur figure nos péchés
Au dos de cet Agneau par le Père attachés :
Et ce Christ t'endossant se charge de nos crimes.

Ô Christ, ô saint Agneau, daigne-toi de cacher
Tous mes rouges péchés (brindelles des abîmes)
Dans les sanglants replis du manteau de ta chair.

Last edited by Adam Elgar; 11-07-2012 at 03:22 AM.
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