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  #1  
Unread 07-12-2019, 04:59 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Default Gods Factotum

God’s Factotum

She buries in a file tagged Holy Shite
the sins she knows of bishops, priests and prelates,
she calms the Jews who, quoting prior right,
would bar RCs, the Prods, all sects and zealots.
There are no visions wherein He appears
she delegating all those gigs to Mary
He’s not performed a miracle in years,
she queries new saints proof to the contrary.

Her duties are to also balance out
His acts of wrath from His benevolences,
she sometimes sends the Pope a twinge of doubt.
A perk accorded bored amanuenses.
Her satisfaction is a job well done
and letting Him think He’s the Only One.

Last edited by Jim Hayes; 07-14-2019 at 02:33 AM.
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Unread 07-12-2019, 05:28 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
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Hi Jim,

I like this quite a bit. Iíd put an initial cap on He In he appears.

Cheers,
John
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Unread 07-12-2019, 05:48 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Thanks reading and commenting John. Fixed.
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Unread 07-12-2019, 07:13 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
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Sorry, Jim. Had two windows open and accidentally replied to wrong poem. Incidentally, this is my favourite of those you've posted since your (ahem) resurrection. I'll try to get back.

Last edited by Matt Q; 07-12-2019 at 07:47 AM.
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  #5  
Unread 07-12-2019, 07:44 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
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Hi Jim,

Back mostly to admire your rhymes here. They are a pleasure.
Not sure, but you might want saints' instead of saints. And what would you think of ending with "He's the Holy One"? "The Only One" is nice in its implications, but lies a bit flat on the page, for me, after all that's come before - Holy Shite etc. The change would also give you assonance on h, and "the Holy One" seems, nicely, a pretty standard way to address the Lord.

Cheers,
John
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Unread 07-12-2019, 08:03 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Thanks John for your thoughts, the thing is that thinking heís the Only One introduces an element of doubt which could make room for the gods of the non Judeo/Christian pantheism.
Anyway it is something to think about and thanks for that.
Cheers
Jim
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Unread 07-12-2019, 08:16 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
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Yes, and thatís a big deal to JHVH. Maybe itís better. Nice to have options, though!

Cheers,
John
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Unread 07-12-2019, 10:13 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
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Hi Jim,

As I said, I like this a fair bit. A couple of quick points.

Amongst all the perfect rhymes there a two sets that aren't (to me anyway), and I think it'd be ideal to have all the rhymes perfect. 'prelate' and 'zealot' have different vowels sounds on first syllable (and the second too). Also, S2L8, I hear as

she QUERies NEW saints PROOF to the CONtrary.

which is four stresses, and loses the rhyme with Mary given the different vowel sound on the rhyme syllable and the low-stressed syllable versus full-stressed syllable. Were it 'contrary' in the sense of 'Mary, Mary, quite ..." (i.e. an adjective rather than noun), it'd work I think, but that's a different pronunciation (for me, anyway).

Plus, I'd say you need a comma at the end of L1

best,

Matt

Last edited by Matt Q; 07-12-2019 at 10:34 AM.
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Unread 07-12-2019, 10:39 AM
Jim Hayes Jim Hayes is offline
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Thanks Matt, I realize your concerns with these rhymes but the rhyme prelate/ zealot was good enough for Robert Burns and itís near enough for
me.
But still the proud Prelate
And Presbyter zealot
Agree in an orthodox mow.


ConTRARy as in Mary , Mary.. is indeed my intention, and I consider it a legitimate rhyme especially as I established the expectation by positioning Mary first.
I am not caviling with with your comment, which I appreciate, but my usage is not an uncommon poetic device.

Thanks again Iím glad you liked

Jim
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  #10  
Unread 07-12-2019, 11:54 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
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Prelate and zealot are a perfect rhyme in my RP. Contrary raises interesting questions IMO.

Cheers,
John
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