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  #151  
Old 12-16-2017, 03:05 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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As long as we're telling jokes, I just saw this documentary about Gloria Vanderbilt, done by her kid, Anderson Cooper. It's much better than I expected. She said, at one point, 'there are some rooms that wait for you.' That floored me.
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  #152  
Old 12-16-2017, 03:58 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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The Anderson Cooper? Very interesting! I also like your library joke a good deal.

A man orders a drink in a bar and the bartender says, "I think you've had enough. You should head on home." He sighs, stands up, walks out the front door. Two minutes later, the side door opens, he walks in and orders a drink. The bartender says, "You should be getting on home now." The man shrugs his shoulders, gets up, leaves by the side door. Two minutes later, the back door opens, he walks in again and orders another drink. The bartender says "I thought I told you, you've had enough to drink." And the man says, "Jesus Christ! How many bars do you work in?"
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  #153  
Old 12-16-2017, 04:04 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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OK, to get back to songs, I would like to have written "All I wanted was a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me", from this New Wave/L.A. punk number:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoF_a0-7xVQ
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  #154  
Old 12-16-2017, 04:37 PM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
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I don't know if David Callin has his eye on this thread, but he's the only other person I know who is a fan of this chap: Jake Thackray. He was a English folksinger from Yorkshire active mainly in the 1970s. His songs were mainly comic, but that description does a disservice to their wit, ribaldry, melancholy and his amazing dry lugubrious delivery of them. I could have picked any one of dozens but here's

'Personal Column':

Words & Music: Jake Thackray


Right behind the headlines of the papers there's a space entitled Personal.
And since I'm young and sensitive it's always there I turn to first of all
For in between the vibro-massage, sauna baths, the rubber goods, the corsetry
Someone sends a message that is classified as advertising Agony.

Agony will always find a way.
You read there every day
True-life love stories, taken short.
Agony at seven-and-a-kick a time,
A stifled sob a line,
A list of breaking hearts and surgical supports.

"Molly, will you please come home. I miss you. Will you please forgive me?
I love you very much and I am sorry for what I did. Love, Sidney."
"Artistic photographs, plain paper covers, fifty-nine-and-sixpence, postage free."
"Unsightly hair on arms and legs and faces is removed quite painlessly."

Who knows if wayward Molly will return?
Does Sidney really yearn?
And if he does, does Molly care?
What quarrel set them at each other's throats?
Did Sidney send for postcards through the post?
Or did Molly grow superfluous hair everywhere?

"Widow, 46 would like sophisticated gentleman to contact her.
Similar interests and with a view to friendliness. Motor car preferred."
"Mrs Ivy Armitage thanks all her friends for kindnesses when times were hard."
And "The Honorable Dicky Cholmondley is not sending anybody any Christmas cards."

"Dynamic methods Strengthen and Refine
The Power of your Mind"
In case your memories are none too good;
And if you cannot manage on your own
Take out a personal loan.
There's no security, it's understood.

"Seven days' free trial for an anti-nuclear shelter. No obligations at all."
And there's news of debutantes coming out with all the customary Belgrave balls.
Ten shillings reward: Box No. 33 has gone and lost her budgerigar.
"Happy Birthday darling Sheila from your Mummy and your Daddy, wherever you are."

Right behind the headlines of the papers there's a space entitled Personal
And for those who get the agony, that's the place to turn to first of all.

https://youtu.be/mfHsPqN2woA
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  #155  
Old 12-16-2017, 04:39 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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The bar was empty and everyone was in my way. A line I never used, so, ha, I love that John (if I'm understanding that correctly).
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  #156  
Old 12-16-2017, 05:26 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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This is a tremendously sad line: "Happy Birthday darling Sheila from your Mummy and your Daddy, wherever you are."

Cheers,
John
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  #157  
Old 12-17-2017, 02:12 PM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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Ah Mark, I rarely stray into this neck of the woods - it's the time factor, you see - but thank you for directing me to it. Yes, I too love the great Jake. He was Yorkshire's answer to Jaques Brel really, wasn't he? Even if he preferred Georges Brassens.

I have always thought that his version of a Laurie Lee story - from Cider with Rosie? - is a practically perfect feat of rhyme and rhythm.

He was a blacksmith by trade; he used to live on his own.
She was a little old maid; she was all gristle and bone,
Just a crone that you might not have fancied yourself;
She was not born to attract. She was lined up for the shelf
If it were not for the fact the blacksmith loved her well,
He loved her like hell. He used to grunt and sigh, fit to die.
But from afar; for he was shy, as blacksmiths often are.

She made a meagre livelihood from her home-made toffee that she'd sell
Up and down the neighbourhood to a butterscotch and caramel clientele.
And optimistically, she used to think that she would get a husband yet.
She was far too modest to wink, to proud to be coquette -
You bet! 'Cos she'd got a squint, she was skinny, she was skint.
It never seemed that she, so palpably bizarre and banal,
Could ever be a femme fatale.

Time has no time to spare and the years went by, as they must.
The spinster shivered with despair and the blacksmith sweated with lust, fit to bust.
Until one day she went into the church, her simple heart to unclose:
"Lord, don't leave me in the lurch. Don't turn up your nose.
God knows I'm not much cop but my legs go up to the top.
Oh tell me why you've passed me by.
And, if you can, dear Lord on high, get me a man!"

She, she was in for a shock, for high in the tower like a bird
The smith was mending the clock, and he had overheard every word.
He nearly fell off his perch with delight! But, stout fellow, he kept his head;
He didn't snigger as a lot of men might but in the tones of Jehovah instead
He said: "You're not bereft. There's a good lad left.
He's nothing flash but still reliable, staunch and true.
Dear daughter will, will a blacksmith do?"

The spinster's eyes opened wide when she heard the Almighty One.
In a trembling voice she replied, "Lord, any man is better than none".
Whereupon the joyous blacksmith went home at the trot,
Dressed up to kill in a tick. Went and asked her if she'd have him or not
And she said yes damn quick, because she knew her state. It's daft to wait
When love is overdue; to miss your cue, delay or demur
In answer to a little cri de coeur.

This is as much of a romance as all of the others that you get -
And not so much a song and a dance as your Romeo & Juliet; nor as wet.
Because their love didn't go to their head. No call to go berserk.
The spinster went up to bed and the blacksmith went to work.
Don't smirk! Such loves are few; they were happy, they were true;
They knew their hearts' desires. As love requires, with some deceits,
He used his fires to boil up her sweets
.

Best heard, of course ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDkQQRNcT3c

(I do think the images they've used for that video are unduly facetious.)
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  #158  
Old 12-18-2017, 05:32 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Here is The Killer doing "She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye", about a decade after ending his rock and roll career. Once again, the whole town is talking, he sings:

Jerry Lee Lewis - She Even Woke Me Up To Say Goodbye ... - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFsr4rLuEqE

Cheers,
John
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  #159  
Old 12-20-2017, 06:15 PM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
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David, thanks for that and for joining in! Makes me cry, silly as it is. And yes, especially as sung it's a masterpiece of the sort of rhyming that is physically pleasurable.

Edit: and yes, that video is bloody awful. YouTube really does giveth and taketh away, doesn't it?

Last edited by Mark McDonnell; 12-20-2017 at 06:22 PM.
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  #160  
Old 01-19-2018, 09:27 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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I suppose since we are now sharing whole songs that are rich in metaphors/imagery there's one that I think speaks to the heart of our modern human condition/suffering (if you let it).
I hope I'm not revealing what to others is something less than what I get from the composition. One can never tell with music. One person's masterpiece is another's bore. I think it is a beautifully sculpted song with a kaleidoscopic range of emotion...
But for sheer breath of scope, few songs can compare to Bohemian Rhapsody. Freddy Mercury performs it best, of course... Here is a cover of it sung by a Georgian children's choir that really impressed me. Check out the choreography and faces of the children as they sing.
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