[John Whitworth]

Thank you, Lucy. This will keep me (I hope gainfully) employed for days.

No. 2857: Spinning Jenny


‘Jenny kiss’d me when we met’ is the first line of a well-known poem by Leigh Hunt. You are invited to substitute another word or words (‘fainted’ or ‘hit me’, for example) for ‘kissed me’ and continue, for up to 16 lines, to produce a new ‘Jenny’ poem. Please email entries (wherever possible) of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 16 July.

[Ann Drysdale]

I have long been regarded as a bit of a Leigh Hunt. This is one I wrote for you, John, ages ago.

John amazed me ever so
When I read his latest email —
Called me “Ezra” doncherknow
Though I’m solvent, sane and female.
Call me poser, call me dunce,
Say I’m not worth working with
But add — the Whitworth called me once
A super-smith!

[John Whitworth]

Heavens, Ann. I had quite forgotten.

I fear this competition will bring out all the DOM. Like me.

Jenny Spanked Me

Jenny spanked me when we met.
She was always such a spanker,
So severe a martinet,
That I quite forgot to thank her.

In her leather chemisette,
Jenny with her boots and spurs on,
With her Russian cigarette,
Jenny such a cruel person,

Jenny flayer of my flesh,
Jenny biter of my botty,
Since that night in Marrakesh,
Most maleficent of totty!

Howling out on Hampstead Heath
Where some lesser lady yanked me,
I can gasp through gritted teeth,
Jenny spanked me!

[Brian Allgar]

Here's a very rude one which I shall not be submitting ... well, probably not.

Jenny blew me when we met,
Kneeling by the chair I sat in
In my poky kitchenette,
Barely room to swing a cat in.
She prepared my clarinet
And the bowl she always spat in.
Then I told my little pet
With her lips as smooth as satin,
“Jenny, you who love to get
Sweets into your mouth, put that in.”

[Brian Allgar]

John, your piece gave me a good laugh!

[John Whitworth]

As yours did me, Brian. I hope Lucy laughs too.

[Roger Slater]

1
Jenny screwed me when we met,
pulled me to the bed she laid in.
Care to place a friendly bet
whether Jenny's still a maiden?
Say I'm ugly, say I'm dumb,
say my exes scorned and sued me;
okay, wiseguy, then how come
Jenny screwed me?

2
Jenny slapped me when we met,
right across my sorry kisser,
then she spit on me, and yet,
ever since that day I miss her.
Say I'm lonely, say I'm sad,
say that law enforcement trapped me,
say I am a lech, but add,
Jenny slapped me.

3
Jenny scorned me when we met,
though I'd hoped she'd rise and kiss me.
Just how rude can one girl get?
I never thought that she would diss me.
Say I'm cocky, say I'm brash,
but really, someone should have warned me.
Since I did not bring her cash,
Jenny scorned me.

4

Jenny told me when we met,
"Do not dare to think I'd date you.
On a scale of ten you'd get
Maybe three if I should rate you."
Yes I'm ugly, looks askew,
Yet one balm will sweetly hold me:
At least I'm not a one or two,
Jenny told me.

[Rob Stuart]

Jenny glassed me when we met.
I only pecked her on the cheek--
Tell me, where’s the sexual threat
In that? She gave a ghastly shriek,
Slashing at my eyes in hate.
I lay moaning, bloodied, ghastly,
Blinded by my first blind date--
Jenny glassed me.

[Douglas G. Brown]

Jenny snipped me when we met,
An act that cannot be rebutted;
She said I’d be her docile pet,
And wished to see all men de-nutted.

My former pals still chase the skirts
(With sweet young things I won’t be flitting);
While they deflower willing flirts,
I help my Jenny with her knitting.

Jenny’s cute and oh-so-foxy,
And life with her is many splendored;
She sees me as a chick by proxy,
Now that I have been de-gendered.

I do the wash and vacuum cleaning
Ever since she unequipped me,
And seek no deeper inner meaning
Since Jenny snipped me.

[John Whitworth]

I like that, Douglas. It's the way things are going.