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Unread 02-25-2021, 03:39 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 3,991
Default #snailpoem

Biopic with cute snail

In the movie of my life, I am to be played by Neverita Didyma,
the bladder moon snail, a predatory marine gastropod

found in the Yellow Sea. Though not moon-shaped myself,
I am a well-rounded individual, so I am quite untroubled

at being played by a female. In interviews, I praise her talents
which are unknown to me: she is so obscure that she barely merits

her own Wikipedia page. Others are not so gracious.
Golbaengi-muchim, a.k.a. moon-snail salad, a Korean dish

rejected for the role, is furious, and circulates internet memes:
anime clips of Neverita that flash the caption: “I’d neverita”,

the irony of this, somehow lost on him. I spring chivalrously
to her defence—though my attempts to get #idedita trending

are perhaps misjudged. A carnivore herself, she squirms nervously
in my presence. Twitter spats escalate and soon we are at war

with the Korean food industry. United by shared adversity,
Neverita and I begin to bond. Then inevitably it happens:

she bats her eyestalks, and I slide over. She leaks
a grainy shell-less sex-tape and becomes briefly famous,

whereas the tabloids slate me as a bottom-feeder.
The film’s backers, already cracking under the pressure

from the Korean Food industry, sense a scandal.
The movie is cancelled and I slip back into obscurity,

which, appropriately enough, is the story of my life.

S6L2 "alongside the caption" -> "emblazoned with the words"

S6L2 "photos of Neverita" -> "anime clips of Neverita"; "emblazoned with the words" -> "that flash the caption"

Last edited by Matt Q; 03-15-2021 at 09:50 AM.
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