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  #11  
Unread 03-04-2021, 02:47 AM
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Jane Crowson Jane Crowson is offline
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Matt - I think your edits make clearer (to me) the type of overwritten image you want to evoke. But, I have to say I really like Jim Moonan's suggestion of 'anime'.

Jim's suggestion would reinforce the social media aspects to this. I'd still consider doing this in another place or two as well - either by a small word tweak or including more hashtags/@ - maybe in the bottom-feeder bit (hashtag bottom feeder etc). This would reinforce the reading of this poem not just as an absurdist piece but as a commentary on/satirical glance at social media.

Then, I'd send it out, tbh. Don't be tempted to hoard it.

Sarah-Jane (apologies for long-hand 'hashtags' - if I try to include the symbol I'm bounced straight into TEAMS in a different window in my browser, for reasons I don't understand)
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  #12  
Unread 03-15-2021, 02:25 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
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Jim and Sarah,

Belated thanks for your comments. Sorry, I got sucked into a poem-a-day challenge on another forum.

Jim,

I like the idea of anime. I'm not sure about "an anime" which sounds like it would be a full-length film/epidsode, so I've gone for "anime clips". Obviously (or at least, in my head) that begs the question of where he got the anime clips from. Is she an anime star -- and how does that sit with her obscurity? Ha, but maybe I'm overthinking the backstory!

Does it work better as prose poem? I don't know. I played around with it, but I think maybe it becomes a bit too dense without the spacing. The more I've experimented with prose poems, the more I think there's more to writing one the just removing the line-breaks from a lineated poem.

Sarah,

Thanks for coming back. I'll think about adding a # or two more. The problem is, since this is direct speech, I can't imagine the N saying for example " the tabloids slate me as a hashtag bottom-feeder", but maybe that's just because I'm out of touch and I personally wouldn't say it. The only place whether there's 'hashtag' is where I'm describing an actual hashtag the N uses. I think you're write though, there's not much more tweaking to be done.

-Matt
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  #13  
Unread 03-15-2021, 03:30 PM
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Jane Crowson Jane Crowson is offline
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Hi Matt,

I read it more as the narrator describing what the tabloids were saying -

whereas the tabloids slate me as a bottom-feeder.

I'm reading it internally without the emphasis on the 'me'. So it makes it easier to tweak to:

whereas the tabloids slate me as a #bottom-feeder - the tabloids are, of course, on social media too.

Maybe

whereas Tumblr (or Buzzfeed) slates me as a #bottom-feeder?

Sarah-Jane
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